I was about to undertake a very formidable journey; I lived in the Regent’s Park; and as the horses that now drew me had been worked hard during the day, it seemed probable that some hours would elapse before I could reach my own door.  Off they went, however; the coachman urged them on with whip and tongue:  the body of the jarvey swung to and fro; the glasses shook and clattered; the straw on the floor felt damp, and rain water oozed through the roof, (for it was a landaulet).  I felt chilled, and drew up the front window, at least I drew up the frame; but as it contained no glass, I was not the warmer for my pains; so I wrapped my cloak around me, and rather sulkily sank into a reverie.  The vehicle still continued to rumble, and rattle, and shake, and squeak; I fell into a doze, caused by some fatigue and much claret, and gradually these sounds seemed to soften into a voice!  I distinguished intelligible accents!  I listened attentively to the low murmurs, and distinctly I heard, and treasured in my memory, what appeared to me to be the “Lament of the Landaulet!”

The poor body seemed to sigh, and the wheels became spokesmen!

“I am about fifteen years of age,” (thus squeaked my equipage); “I was born in Long Acre, the birthplace of the aristocracy of my race, and Messrs. Houlditch were my parents.

“No four-wheeled carriage could possibly have entered upon life with brighter prospects; it is, alas! my hard lot to detail the vicissitudes that rendered me what I am.

“I was ordered by an earl, who was on the point of marriage with an heiress, and I was fitted up in the most expensive style.  My complexion was pale yellow; on my sides I had coronets and supporters; my inside was soft and comfortable; my rumble behind was satisfactory; and my dicky was perfection, and provided with a hammercloth.  My boots were capacious, my pockets were ample, and my leathers in good condition.

“When I stood at the earl’s door on the morning of his marriage, it was admitted by all who beheld me, that a neater turn-out had never left Long Acre.  Lightly did my noble possessor press my cushions, as I wafted him to St. George’s Church, Hanover Square; and when the ceremony was over, and the happy pair sat side by side within me, the earl kissed the lips of his countess, and I felt proud, not of the rank and wealth of my contents, but because they were contented and happy.

“Oh, how merrily my wheels whirled in those days!  I bore my possessors to their country-seat; I flew about the county returning wedding visits; I went to races, with sandwiches and champagne in my pockets; and I spent many a long night in the inn-yard, while my lord and lady were presiding at county assemblies.

“Mine was a life of sunshine and smiles.  But ladies are capricious:  the countess suddenly discovered that I was heavy.  Now, if she wished me to be light-headed, why did she order a landaulet?  She declared, too, that I was unfit for town service; gave new orders to Houlditch; took possession of a chariot fashioned eight months later than myself; sent me to Long Acre to be disposed of, and I became a secondhand article!