Madame bowed and smiled with all her features. “Vive l’Angleterre!” What a lot of weather we were having, weren’t we? and what a glorious victory it had been, hadn’t it?—­mainly due to the dear soldiers, she felt sure.  She hoped I found myself enjoying robust health.

I replied that I was in the pink myself and trusted she was the same.

Never pinker in her life, she said; everything was perfectly lovely.  She beckoned me nearer.  She had a small favour to ask.  At this season of peace and goodwill would the so amiable Lieutenant deign to enter her modest abode and take a little glass of vin blanc with her?

The “amiable Lieutenant” would be enchanted.

She swung the door open and bowed me in.  The glasses were already filled and waiting on the table—­a big one for me, a little one for her.

We clicked rims and lifted our elbows to the glorious victory, to the weather (which was rotten) and our mutual pinkness.

“A votre sante, mon Lieutenant!” crooned Madame the widow Palliard-Dubose.

“A votre, Madame,” replied her Lieutenant, quaffing the whole issue in one motion.  Paraffin, ladies and gentlemen, pure undiluted paraffin—­paugh! wow! ouch!

* * * * *

If the fellow I met in the Lille Club who reads women’s souls and gets ’em to feed out of his hand should also happen to read this, will he please write and tell me what my next move is?  PATLANDER.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “IT’S PERFECTLY SIMPLE, UNCLE—­TWO SLOW, THREE QUICK, THREE SIDE CHASSEES, WOBBLE WOBBLE, LAME DUCK, LAME DUCK, DIP, GRASSHOPPER, TWO SLOW, SWIVEL, SCISSORS, JAZZ-ROLL, KICK, TURN, TWO CHASSEES, BACK, TWINKLE, AND ON AGAIN.”]

* * * * *

    “TOO LATE FOR CLASSIFICATION.

    12 March and April pullets laying rabbits.”—­Advt. in Local
    Paper.

Personally we should place these admirable birds in a class by themselves.

* * * * *

    “HUNT FOR CIGARETTES.

    STATE CONTROL ENDS, BUT SUPPLY STILL SCARCE.”—­Daily Chronicle.

Is this the fag-end of State control, or the State control of fag-ends?

* * * * *

    “Girl, about 18, for grocery; permanency; experience not
    necessary; must love locally.”—­Daily Paper.

But we doubt if this attempt to constrain the tender passion within geographical limits will prove a “permanency.”

* * * * *

  There was a young man from Dundee
  Who didn’t succeed with the Sea;
      So they gave him command
      Of the Air and the Land
  Just to make it quite fair for all three.

* * * * *

THE END OF THE VOLUNTEERS.