CHARIVARIA.

The huge waterspout observed off Guernsey last week “travelling towards France” is believed to have been making for the Peace Conference.

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The Captain of a Wilson liner on being torpedoed ate his pocket-book to prevent his sailing instructions from falling into the hands of the Germans.  The report that the ex-Kaiser has whiled away the time at Amerongen by chewing up three copies of the German White Book and one of Prince LICHNOWSKY’S Memoirs is probably a variant of this story.

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“Our chief hope of control of influenza,” writes Sir Arthur NEWSHOLME of the Local Government Board, “lies in further investigation.”  Persons who insist upon having influenza between now and Easter will do so at their own risk.

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Writing to a provincial paper a correspondent asks when Mr. Philip Snowden was born.  Other people are content to ask “Why?”

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“We think it prudent to speak with moderation on all subjects,” says The Morning Post.  There now!

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We mentioned last week the startling rumour that a Civil Servant had been seen running, and a satisfactory explanation has now been issued.  It appears that the gentleman in question was going off duty.

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According to the Malin, the Bavarian Premier told a newspaper man that the Bavarian revolution cost exactly eighteen shillings.  This seems to lend colour to the rumour that Dr. Eisner picked this revolution up second-hand in Russia.

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“Springfield and Napsbury Lunatic Asylums,” says a news item, “are to be known in future as mental hospitals.”  Government institutions which have hitherto borne that title will in the future be known simply as “Departments.”

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A German sailor, who is described as “twenty-seven, 6 ft. 91/2 in.,” has escaped from Dorchester camp.  A reward has been offered for information leading to the recapture of any part of him.

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The servant question is admittedly acute, but whether sufficiently so to justify the attitude of a contemporary, which deals with the subject under the sinister title, “Maxims for Mistresses,” is open to doubt.

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The case of the North Country workman who voluntarily abandoned his unemployment grant in order to take a job is attributed to a morbid craze for notoriety.

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As a result of the engineers’ strike and the failure of the heating apparatus, we understand that Government officials in Whitehall have spent several sleepless days.

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We gather that the mine reported to have been washed up at Bognor turns out to be an obsolete 1914 pork pie—­but fortunately the pin had been removed.

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The Daily Express tells us that a crowd of new monkeys have arrived at the Zoo.  We are pleased to note this, because several of the monkeys there were certainly the worse for wear.