“Why, where are you now?” he asked, with the most provoking air of innocence.  “If you ain’t in the house now, you never was.”

“Never mind, sir,” said she, “never mind.  I’ll settle with you for this.  Don’t stand there grinning at me; go upstairs and tell Mrs. Morton to come down immediately, and then get something to wipe up that water.  O dear! my beautiful carpet!  And for a lord to see me in such a plight!  Oh! it’s abominable!  I’ll give it to you, you scamp!  You did it on purpose,” continued the indignant Mrs. Thomas.  “Don’t deny it—­I know you did.  What are you standing there for?  Why don’t you call Mrs. Morton?” she concluded, as Charlie, chuckling over the result of his trick, walked leisurely upstairs.  “That boy will be the death of me,” she afterwards said, on relating the occurrence to her daughter.  “Just to think, after all the trouble I’ve had teaching him when to admit people and when not, that he should serve me such a trick.  I’m confident he did it purposely.”  Alas! for poor Mrs. Thomas; this was only the first of a series of annoyances that Charlie had in store, with which to test her patience and effect his own deliverance.

A few days after, one of their grand dinners was to take place, and Charlie had been revolving in his mind the possibility of his finding some opportunity, on that occasion, to remove the old lady’s wig; feeling confident that, could he accomplish that feat, he would be permitted to turn his back for ever on the mansion of Mrs. Thomas.

Never had Mrs. Thomas appeared more radiant than at this dinner.  All the guests whose attendance she had most desired were present, a new set of china had lately arrived from Paris, and she was in full anticipation of a grand triumph.  Now, to Charlie had been assigned the important duty of removing the cover from the soup-tureen which was placed before his mistress, and the little rogue had settled upon that moment as the most favourable for the execution of his purpose.  He therefore secretly affixed a nicely crooked pin to the elbow of his sleeve, and, as he lifted the cover, adroitly hooked it into her cap, to which he knew the wig was fastened, and in a twinkling had it off her head, and before she could recover from her astonishment and lay down the soup-ladle he had left the room.  The guests stared and tittered at the grotesque figure she presented,—­her head being covered with short white hair, and her face as red as a peony at the mortifying situation in which she was placed.  As she rose from her chair Charlie presented himself, and handed her the wig, with an apology for the accident.  In her haste to put it on, she turned it wrong side foremost; the laughter of the guests could now no longer be restrained, and in the midst of it Mrs. Thomas left the room.  Encountering Charlie as she went, she almost demolished him in her wrath; not ceasing to belabour him till his outcries became so loud as to render her fearful that he would alarm the guests; and she then retired to her room, where she remained until the party broke up.