The veracious chronicler relates that, on one occasion, Mr. VENUS deprived his literary friend with a wooden leg of that useful appendage.  But that act of constructive mayhem did not destroy Mr. WEGG’S literary reputation.  Can MR. FECHTER’S HAMLET endure an analogous test?  If he has confidence in himself, let him try it.  He has gone to BOSTON for a change of air.  When he returns to NEW-YORK, let it be for a change of hair.  When he succeeds in drawing full houses to see him play HAMLET with raven curls, we shall believe that he is something more than simply a HAMLET—­with a yellow wig.  Until then we shall be constrained to class him with the other blonde burlesquers.

MATADOR.

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WHAT THE PRESS IS EXPECTED TO SAY OF US.

There is no trash in this paper.—­Literary Standard.

PUNCHINELLO is a perfect beauty, and good as beautiful.—­Moralist.

—­a most suitable companion for our walks and meditations.—­Casuist.

PUNCHINELLO pays beautifully.—­Cash Account.

—­just the thing for our mothers-in-law.—­Domestic-Hearth.

—­its wisdom and learning are equally remarkable.—­College Club.

PUNCHINELLO deserves to be styled A Brick.—­Midnight Male.

—­the most irreproachable thing going; and every man who does not buy a copy for himself, every week, and another for his wife, with one for each of his children, is a brute.—­Plain Speaker.

—­bully.—­Western Grazier.

—­knows beans.—­Horticulturist.

—­up to snuff.—­Market Reporter.

—­cock of the walk.—­Prairie Chicken.

—­perfectly lovely.—­Ladies’ Voice.

—­read it, try to parse it, and then set it to music and sing it.—­Yankee Teacher.

—­the thing we dreamed of, longed for, sighed for, and paid for.—­Public at Large.

* * * * *

A Walking Fish.

The Walk in life of Mr. Secretary of State FISH, considering him as a private individual, has hitherto been irreproachable.  Nevertheless, his walk might be much improved by President GRANT, if the latter would only teach him to Walk Spanish.

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“Hole-in-the-Day.”

It is stated, though on what authority we are unable to say, that the Philadelphia Day is printed on straw paper made from the surplus straw-hats that formed an item of a notorious government contract negotiated during the war.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  MESMERISM IN WALL STREET.

First Lady Broker, (entrancing subject.) “THERE, I’VE GOT HIM TO THE POINT NOW.  TAKE HIM AT HIS WORD, QUICK.”

Commodore V-nd-rb-lt, (murmurs.) “SELL ME ONE THOUSAND SHARES CENTRAL.”