I was completely puzzled.  It reminded me of old times.  Seemed just like being in love again.  Could it be possible that I was liable to a second attack?

One night I took a new book and hurried across the field to the Woods’, for I never was easy till I saw “Pink and Blue” face to face; and then,—­why, then, I was not at all easy.  I felt the red flushes coming long before I reached the house.  As soon as I entered the room, I felt that she was missing.  I must have looked blank; for Mrs. Wood began to explain immediately, that Jane was not well, and had gone to bed;—­nothing serious; but she had thought it better for her not to sit up.  I remained and read as usual, but, as it seemed to me, to bare walls.  I had become so accustomed to reading with “Pink and Blue” just opposite, to watching for the dropping of her work and the raising of her eyes to my face, that I really seemed on this occasion to be reading to no purpose whatever.  I went home earlier than usual, very sober and very full of thought.  My mother noticed it, and inquired if they were well at Mrs. Wood’s.  So I told her about Jane.

That night my eyes were fully opened.  I was in love.  Yes, the old disease was upon me, and my last state was worse than my first,—­just as much so as Jane was superior to Eleanor.  The discovery threw me into the greatest distress.  Hour after hour I walked the floor, in my own chamber, trying to reason the love from my heart,—­but in vain; and at length, tossing myself on the bed, I almost cursed the hour in which I first saw the Woods.  I called myself fool, dolt, idiot, for thus running my head a second time into the noose.  It may seem strange, but the thought that she might possibly care for me never once occurred to my mind.  Eleanor’s words in the sleigh still rang in my ears:  “I never thought that anybody so homely and awkward could suppose”—­No, I must not “suppose.”  Once, in the midst of it all, I calmed down, took a light, and, very deliberately walking to the glass, took a complete view of my face and figure,—­but with no other effect than to settle me more firmly in my wretchedness.  Towards morning I grew calmer, and resolved to look composedly upon my condition, and decide what should be done.

While I was considering whether or not to continue my visits at the Woods’, I fell asleep just where I had thrown myself, outside the bed, in overcoat and boots.  I dreamed of seeing “Pink and Blue” carried off by some horrid monster,—­which, upon examination, proved to be myself.  The sun shining in my face woke me, and I remembered that I had decided upon nothing.  The best thing seemed to be to snap off the acquaintance and quit the place.  But then I could not leave my mother.  No, I must keep where I was,—­and if I kept where I was, I must keep on at the Woods’,—­and if I kept on at the Woods’, I should keep on feeling just as I did, and perhaps—­more so.  I resolved, finally, to remain where I was, and to take no abrupt step, (which might cause remark,)