We trust it will agree with him.

* * * * *

“Wanted, a Very Plain Girl, very good references and photo asked, to care for three children and do housework.”—­Morning Paper.

You can almost see the green-eyed monster lurking in the background.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Soulful Soldier (carried away by red sunset). “BY JOVE!  LOOK AT THAT!  ISN’T IT GLORIOUS?”

His Tent Mate. “YUS.  ANOTHER MUCKIN’ ’OT DAY TO-MORRER.”

* * * * *

THE WATCH DOGS.

LXIV.

MY DEAR CHARLES,—­Since I last wrote to you I have enjoyed seeing again an officer with whom I had many curious dealings in the past, and who, if half the facts he divulges about himself were true, would certainly be the wickedest Colonel in the B.E.F., notwithstanding that he fought busily in the early stages and had the best part of himself knocked out in so doing.  He has performed many strange duties since, and the steps he took to qualify for one of them will, I think, illustrate for you his wickedness.

It has been found, on experience, that modesty is out of place when you are being called upon to state your qualifications for a post.  The knowing, upon being asked if they possess certain attributes, reply in an immediate affirmative and add others, just to be on the safe side.  It is felt that what is really required in this War is thrust and ingenuity, things which adequately make up for the absence of any specialist knowledge.  Accordingly my friend found himself described as possessing, among other things, “French, fluent.”  It was not until he was informed that the Official Interpreter would like to hear a little of this that he looked more closely into the matter and discovered that he knew no French at all.  Undismayed, he spent the two days’ interval before the viva-voce examination in learning some.  You might suppose that two days is a short time in which to become so familiar with a strange language that you may be able to understand and answer any question which may be put to you in it.  Sly friend, however, did not let this worry him.  He learnt by heart a long and detailed narrative, embracing all the most impressive idioms and all the most popular slang, the subject of which was an accident which had occurred to him in the earlier days of the campaign, a long and a vivid story, which, once started, would last indefinitely and could not be interrupted meanwhile.

Armed with no other knowledge of the French language than this, my friend duly presented himself before the Official Interpreter, greeted him with a genial salute and waited throughout his opening speech, which was in French and contained many inquiries.

My friend made no endeavour to follow