At Ticvoria Station your representative found a seething mob intent on getting to those ever popular and already much overcrowded South-coast resorts, Paradeville, Shingleton-on-Sea, Promenade Bay, etc.  The eleven-o’clock “Paradeville fast,” due to start in half-an-hour, was at No. 20 platform.  All sitting and standing room had been occupied for some hours, and the passengers were enjoying the sport of seeing the later arrivals running the whole length of the train and back again in the mad hope of finding places.  Your representative managed to get a word with some of these later arrivals, and asked them how they liked running up and down, and whether they were much disappointed at not finding room; but the answers were mostly unsatisfactory and in some cases uncivil.  The booking-clerk, questioned as to the phraseology employed by August holiday folk in asking for their tickets, whether it is “Third return, please,” or “Third return,” or “Third return and look sharp,” showed by his answer that the expression “please” is falling into desuetude on these occasions, his exact words being “There’s precious little ‘please’ knocking about, and anyone who has the cheek to tell me to ‘look sharp’ is jolly well kept waiting till the last!” Your representative, wishing to report at first-hand the experience of those who were travelling thirty in a compartment meant to accommodate ten in the “Paradeville fast,” tried to get in and make a thirty-first, explaining that it was only for a minute and was with the object of getting local colour, but was forcibly expelled, and, falling on the platform and sustaining some slight contusions, decided to cease reporting on August scenes at the great termini for that day.

* * * * *

Two dumb warriors.

I.—­Hyldebrand.

When the Heatherdale Hussars received a two-hours’ notice to “trek” they, of course, dumped their mascot, Hyldebrand, a six-months-old wild boar, at the Town Major’s.  They would have done the same with a baby or a full-grown hippopotamus.  The harassed T.M. discovered Hyldebrand in the next stable to his slightly hysterical horse the morning after the H.H. had evacuated, and informed me (his village Sanitary Inspector) that “as I was fond of animals” (he had seen me distributing fly-traps and painting horse-trough notice-boards) I was henceforth in sole command of Hyldebrand until such time as his owners should reclaim him.  A grant of five sous per diem had been left for the piglette’s maintenance.

I took charge of Hyldebrand, provided an old dog-kennel for his shelter, an older dog-collar for his adornment and six yards of “flex” for his restraint.  I further appointed the runner—­a youth from Huddersfield, nicknamed “Isinglass,” in playful sarcastic comment on his speed—­second in command.  He was to feed, groom and exercise Hyldebrand.  I would inspect Hyldebrand twice a week.