Richard had a stormy time of it up to 1481, when he was made “protector and defender of the realm” early in May.  He then proceeded with a few neglected executions.  This list was headed—­or rather beheaded—­by Lord Chamberlain Hastings, who tendered his resignation in a pail of saw-dust soon after Richard became “protector and defender of the realm.”  Richard laid claim to the throne in June, on the grounds of the illegitimacy of his nephews, and was crowned July 6.  So was his queen.  They sat on this throne for some time, and each had a sceptre with which to welt their subjects over the head and keep off the flies in summer.  Richard could wield a sceptre longer and harder, it is said, than any other middle-weight monarch known to history.  The throne used by Richard is still in existence, and has an aperture in it containing some very old gin.

The reason this gin was left, it is said, was that he was suddenly called away from the throne and never lived to get back.  No monarch should ever leave his throne in too much of a hurry.

Richard made himself very unpopular in 1485 by his forced loans, as they were called:  a system of assessing a man after dark with a self-cocking writ and what was known as the headache-stick, a small weapon which was worn up the sleeve during the day, and which was worn behind the ear by the loyal subject after nightfall.  It was a common sight, so says the historian, to hear the nightfall and the headache-stick fall at the same time.

[Illustration:  THEY SAT ON THE THRONE FOR SOME TIME.]

The queen died in 1485, and Richard thought some of marrying again; but it got into the newspapers because he thought of it while a correspondent was going by, who heard it and telegraphed his paper who the lady was and all about it.  This scared Richard out, and he changed his mind about marrying, concluding, as a mild substitute, to go into battle at Bosworth and get killed all at once.  He did so on the 22d of August.

[Illustration:  A MILD SUBSTITUTE FOR SECOND MARRIAGE.]

After his death it was found that he had rolled up his pantaloons above his knees, so that he would not get gore on them.  This custom was afterwards generally adopted in England.

He was buried by the nuns of Leicester in their chapel, Richmond then succeeding him as king.  He was buried in the usual manner, and a large amount of obloquy heaped on him.

That is one advantage of being great.  After one’s grave is filled up, one can have a large three-cornered chunk of obloquy put on the top of it to mark the spot and keep medical students away of nights.

Greatness certainly has its drawbacks, as the Duchess of Bloomer once said to the author, after she had been sitting on a dry-goods box with a nail in it, and had, therefore, called forth adverse criticism.  An unknown man might have sat on that same dry-goods box and hung on the same nail till he was black in the face without causing remarks, but with the Duchess of Bloomer it was different,—­oh, so different!