***

There is no truth in the report that Mr. Daniels, U.S.  Secretary for the Navy, has received a telegram from Mr. William Randolph Hearst, saying, “You furnish the navy and I’ll furnish the war.”

***

“The Crystal Palace,” says.  Dean Inge, “is the embodiment of spiritual emptiness.”  A determined attempt is to be made to find out what the Crystal Palace thinks of Dean Inge.

***

Stories of an unsuccessful Candidate in the Midlands, who was heard to admit that the voters probably preferred his opponent’s personality, must be definitely regarded as apocryphal.

***

Traditions in Scotland die hard.  We gather that it is stili considered unlucky for a red-headed burglar to cross a Scottish threshold on New Year’s Eve.

***

A man at Berne has recently confessed to a murder he committed twenty-one years ago.  This is what comes of memory-training.

***

It is reported that Trotsky has been ordered by his doctor to take a complete rest.  He has therefore decided not to have any more revolutions for the present.  Orders however will be executed in rotation.

***

Credit where credit is due.  A woman fined at Wood Green Police Court said her name was jolly and she had been having a “jollification,” yet the magistrate refrained from comment.

***

“Where was the Poet Laureate during the visit of President Wilson?” asks a correspondent in a contemporary.  We do not share this curiosity.

***

“Foxes are to be found within an omnibus ride of Charing Cross,” says Mr. Richard KEARTON.  Young omnibuses with plenty of bone and stamina are the best for suburban meets.

***

Anemones, said a lecturer at the Royal Institution, will live as long as sixty years in captivity and are very intelligent.  Nevertheless we refuse to swallow the story about their being taught to jump through a hoop.  The man who told it must have been thinking of an Egyptian king of the same name.

***

The Lord-lieutenant, it is stated on good authority, threatens that if Sinn Fein prisoners destroy any more jails they will be rigorously released.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  The Fare.  “I defy you!”

The Driver.  “Who are you?”

The Fare.  “I am A retired taxi-Driver.”]

* * * * *

    “Sir Eric Geddes speaks of L50,000,000,000—­a sum so vast that it
    could not be paid off in a century of annual payments so small as
    L2,000,000,000 each.”—­Yorkshire Paper.

Our contemporary overestimates the difficulty.

* * * * *