A slightly different formula is to be noted in the lines on the snipe, but the spirit is substantially the same:—­

  “If a snipe were the size of a threepenny bit
  It would be a great deal harder to hit. 
  But if it grew to the size of an emu
  It wouldn’t be better to eat than seamew.”

Lastly I may quote the only couplet in which beasts as well as birds are subjected to this searching analysis.  I think you will admit that it is the most sagacious and impressive of them all:—­

  “If a pig had wings and the legs of a stork
  It would damage the quality of its pork,”

Thine, MCDOUGALL POTT.

Poets’ Corner House, Dottyville.

* * * * *

    “As a result of trying to find an escape of gas with a light, a
    flat in Westminster was seriously damaged.”—­Provincial Paper.

Serve him right.

* * * * *

REPORTS.

The other day I was looking through some school reports.  Holidays always bring them forth.  You know the kind of thing:  History—­Is most diligent but needs concentration; Music—­Lacks purposefulness, does not practise sufficiently; Mathematics—­Weak; General Conduct—­Might be better; Conversational French—­Sera plus facile avec plus de confiance; Theology—­A sad falling off; and so on; and it occurred to me that it might not be a bad thing if the report system, instead of stopping with our school-days, pursued us through life.  The periodical perusal of a report, drawn up with as much authority as a scholastic staff possesses, might have very beneficial results.

My own early ones no longer exist; but it would be a very searching test of our educational system to study these reports thirty-five years after and subject them to an honest commentary.  How little that one learned then has persisted, has survived the probation of time and necessity.  At the age of fifteen I knew the principal rivers of South America ("Geography—­Has made great progress"); to-day at fifty I have no recollection of any, nor any desire to have it.  Instead I can order dinner.  Gastronomy for geography; new lamps for old!  In any report drawn up now there would be a totally different series of subjects.  Thus:—­

Business Method . . .   Might be better. 
Punctuality . . . . .   Tries his best. 
Patriotism  . . . . .   Good. 
Veracity  . . . . . .   Moderate. 
Financial Soundness .   Very variable.

As a means of constructive criticism the report system might be useful in Parliament.  The Speaker, as headmaster, should be entrusted with the task of preparing the documents.  I can see some such results as the following:—­

  THE PRIME MINISTER.

Logic . . . . . . . .   Weak. 
Opportunism . . . . .   Strong. 
Golf  . . . . . . . .   Shows little improvement. 
Belligerence  . . . .   Very good. 
Tonsorial Artistry  .   Far from satisfactory.  Should give it
more attention. 
Oratory . . . . . . .   Fluent and powerful, but must guard
against impulse.  Too fond in perorations
of drawing metaphors from Welsh
physical geography.

  MR. BONAR LAW.