I was just in time to save the cigar.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “I HEAR YOUR HUSBAND IS HOME FROM FRANCE.  IS THE ARMY GOING TO RELEASE HIM?”

“WELL, ’E’S GOT A FORTNIGHT BEFORE HE GOES BACK, BUT BY THAT TIME ’E ’OPES TO BE DEMORALISED.”]

* * * * *

FRUITS OF VICTORY.

    ["Unlimited lard may now be purchased without coupon.”—­Daily
    Paper.]

  Swiftly the shadow of William the Hun
  Fades from the fields that our valour has won;
  Totter the thrones of our many Controllers,
  Freedom is coming to man and his molars: 
  Doomed is the coupon and doomed is the card,
  With all the embargos that hit us so hard;
  Now we may purchase unlimited lard.

  Soon will the mud-spattered soldier be free;
  Soon will the sailor be home from the sea: 
  Victory beams on the banners of Right,
  This is the time to be merry and bright;
  Stilled is the riot of shot and of shard
  And (what a boon to the heart of the bard!)
  Now we may purchase unlimited lard.

  Shout for the joy of it, waving your hats;
  Where there are puttees will shortly be spats;
  Never again will we form on the right,
  Squad or platoon, for a sergeant’s delight;
  So let our faces, by discipline marred,
  Shine with an unction that savours of nard,
  Now we may purchase unlimited lard.

* * * * *

BIG BERTHA OUTRANGED.

    “Two Russian battleships and some cruisers set out from Cronstadt
    to meet the British warships in the Baltic, and were fired on from
    the Flemish coast.”—­Yorkshire Paper.

* * * * *

    “After four incessant years across Dora’s knee the peace New
    Year ought surely to hold something good in its kindly lap for
    well-strafed automobilists.”—­Sketch.

But after four years across Dora’s knee the New Year is probably not thinking about its lap, but quite the reverse.

* * * * *

“The announcement of a ball in Brussels gave plenty of scope for imaginative scribes to quote, in some cases almost correctly, the lines about ‘there was a scene of revelry by night.’”—­“Mr. Gossip” in “The Daily Sketch.”

“MR. GOSSIP,” too, quotes “almost correctly.”

* * * * *

It is hoped that if M. PADEREWSKI becomes President of the new Polish Republic he will experience the truth of the old proverb, Chi va piano va sano.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  British Officer (Army of occupation).  “LOOK OUT, OLD BEAN!  WE’RE GETTING THE GLAD EYE.”]

* * * * *

THE ARMY OF ENTERTAINMENT, LTD.