In all my youthful studies why was this
    Left out?  What tutor shall I blame my folly on? 
      From Sekhet-Hetepu
      Return to mortal view,
    O shade of BRUGSCH or MARIETTE or CHAMPOLLION;
  Expound the message latent in his speech
  Or send a clearer medium, I beseech;
    For lo!  I listen till I almost weep
  For anguish at the priceless gems I miss: 
    “Nai—­sori
ng—­trif—­erwonbi—­aster—­ferish—­ip.”

  To sundry greenish orbs arranged on trays—­
    Unripe, unluscious fruit—­he draws attention. 
      My mind, till now so dark,
      Receives a sudden spark
    That glows and flames to perfect comprehension;
  And I, whom no Rosetta Stone assists,
  Become the peer of Egyptologists,
    From whom exotic tongues no secrets keep;
  For this is what the alien blighter says: 
    “Nice orang’; three for one piastre; very cheap.”

* * * * *

“Napoleon was crowned Emperor of the French on December 2nd, 1804, and abdicated in 1914.  On December 2nd, 1918, the papers announced the formal abdication of Wilhelm II. of Germany.”—­Kent Messenger.

WILHELM probably wishes that he had chosen the same date for his abdication as NAPOLEON.

* * * * *

  When a dear little lady from Lancashire
  Came to London to act as a bank cashier,
    And asked, “Is it true
    1 + 1 = 2?”
  They thought they’d revert to a man cashier.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE BABES IN THE WOOD.

THE OLD LIBERAL NURSERY (moribund but sanguine).  “NO MATTER—­A
TIME WILL COME!”]

* * * * *

PARLIAMENTARY CASUALTIES.

Dear Mr. Punch,—­I am told that Mr. ASQUITH considers that this has been a most unsatisfactory election.  So do I. As you know, the principal function of the House of Commons nowadays is to provide amusing “copy” for the late editions of the evening papers and to give the “sketch"-writers a chance of exercising their pretty wits.  As Mr. SPENCER LEIGH HUGHES once remarked in an after-dinner speech to Mr. BALFOUR, “You, Sir, are our raw material.”

Now, what I complain of is that on the present occasion the voters have entirely disregarded the needs of the journeymen of the Press, and have ruthlessly deprived them of the greater part of their raw material.  Mr. HUGHES himself, I am glad to see, has been spared, but he fortunately had not to undergo the hazards of a contest.  I tremble to think what his fate might have been if at the last moment some stodgy statesman had been nominated to oppose him.