CHARIVARIA.

The mystery of the Foreign Office official who has not gone to Paris for the Peace Conference has been cleared up.  He is the caretaker.

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“The King and Queen of Roumania,” says a Paris paper, “will embark after Christmas, orthodox style, for Western Europe.”  It is easy enough to start a voyage, orthodox style; the difficulty is at the other end.

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The supreme command of the German Navy, says a telegram, has been transferred to Wilhelmshaven.  This looks like carelessness on the part of the watch at Scapa Flow.

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This year’s Who’s Who has eighty-six more pages than that of last year.  On the other hand, since the Election quite a number of people are not Who at all.

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“The present rule in Who’s Who,” says The Evening News, “is that the more important a man is the less space he is content to occupy.”  As some of the staff of our evening Press do not occupy any space at all in this excellent publication we leave readers to draw their own conclusions.

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The Frankfuerter Zeitung observes that the ex-Kaiser has grown very silent and morose.  It is supposed that he has something or other on his mind.

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A Copenhagen message states that the Spartacus people have three times attempted to murder Count REVENTLOW, who is said to regard these attempts as being in the worst possible taste.

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Once again the newspapers have been beaten.  It appears that Princess Patricia knew of her engagement some time before the Press announced it to Her Royal Highness.

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“We still believe,” says the Koelnische Zeitung, “that in thought the German and the Britisher are racially akin.”  All the same we should not encourage the Hun to come over here with the idea of making a spiritual home among his alleged relatives.

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Charged with drunkenness at the Thames Police Court a man attributed his condition to the beer habit.  It is remarkable how men will cling to any sort of excuse.

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Woolwich Arsenal, we are informed, is turning out milk-cans.  Can nothing be done, asks a pacifist, to save our children from the insidious grip of militarism?

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Nottinghamshire War Committee states that rat-catchers are now demanding four pounds a week.  Diplomacy, it appears, is the only branch of British sport that has succeeded in escaping the taint of professionalism.

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“Fractious mules,” says a correspondent of The Daily Mail, “should not be sent to the country for sale.”  The playful kind, on the other hand, that bite and kick from sheer joie de vivre, are bound to have a beneficial effect on the agricultural temperament.

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A Guildford allotment-holder successfully grew new potatoes for Christmas-day dinner.  All were eaten, it appears, except one, which was kept to show to the Christmas pudding.