“By Jawve!” drawled Paulding; “I hawdly think I’d like to have one of the blooming things in my room.”

“I don’t like to have one in my room, but it is absolutely necessary that I do.  Hartwick, my roommate, admires it!”

The listeners laughed.

“I should think he might,” said Puss Parker.  “He’s got a temper with an edge like a cold-chisel.”

“Oh, yes, he admires it!  I’ve got so I believe I should sleep right through the racket, but he kicks me out of bed and howls for me to smother the thing.  So you see I am bound to get up at the proper time.  Once I am out of bed, I stay up.  The first morning after I bought the clock the thing went off just as it was beginning to break day.  I got up and stopped it and then went back to bed.  Hartwick growled, but we both went to sleep.  I had been snoozing about five minutes when the clock broke loose once more.  Hartwick was mad, you bet!  I opened my eyes just in time to see him sit up in bed with one of his shoes in his hand.  Whiz!  Before I could stop him he flung the shoe at the clock.  I made a wild grab just as he did so, struck his arm, and disconcerted his aim.  The shoe flew off sideways and smashed a mirror.  Hartwick said several things.  Then I got up and stopped the clock again.  I dressed and went out for my walk, leaving Hartwick in bed, sleeping sweetly.  When I came back I found him, about half dressed, jumping wildly up and down in the middle of the bed, upon which was heaped all the bedclothes, all of Hartwick’s clothes except those he had on, all of mine, except those I was wearing, and as I appeared he shrieked for me to tear down the window shades and pass them to him quick.

“‘What’s the matter?’ I gasped.  ‘Are you mad?’

“‘Yes, I am mad!’ he howled, tearing his hair.  ’I am so blamed mad that I don’t know where I am at!’

“‘But what’s the matter?’

“’Matter!  Matter!  Hear it!  Hear the daddly thing!  It has driven me to the verge of insanity!  I tried to stop it, but I couldn’t find how it works.  And now I am trying to stifle it!  Hear it!  Oh, bring me a club!  Bring me something deadly!  Bring me a gun, and I will shoot it full of holes!’

“Then I found that I could hear my clock merrily rattling away under that heap of clothes.  It seemed to be defying Hartwick or laughing at him.

“I got him off the bed, pawed around till I found the clock between the mattresses, and then stopped it.  Hartwick offered me three times what it was worth if I’d let him use his baseball bat on it.  I told him it seemed to be a very willing and industrious alarm clock, and it was mine.  I warned him to injure it at his peril.  Since then I have learned how to stop it so it will stay stopped, but it barely commences to rattle at daybreak when I feel Hartwick’s feet strike me in the small of the back, and I land sprawling on the floor.  That explains how I succeed in getting up at daybreak.”