Higgins’s success evidently provoked Mackenzie to emulate it.  Some time later I received another printed document.  After the usual official opening, with its reference numbers, etc., it ran as follows:  “There are in the famine camps in this area certain persons who, though not edentulous, are yet unable to masticate the ordinary ration.  Though they have some teeth, the teeth are all in one jaw.  May such persons be considered as edentulous for the purposes of the decision referred to above?  Signed, James Douglas Mackenzie.”  The Government was again pleased to record its approval.

The letter roused my jealousy.  Higgins and Mackenzie, by the use of my distinguished literary style, had both got well along the road to fame, whilst I was still languishing in obscurity.  Something must be done about it.  I took a pen and wrote:  “There are in the famine camps in this area certain persons who, though they are not edentulous and though they have some teeth in both jaws, are yet unable to masticate the ordinary ration because the teeth in the upper jaw correspond with the gaps in the lower, and vice versa.  May such persons be considered as edentulous for the purposes of the two previous decisions?”

I sent the letter off to the Government of India.  The reply came by return of post:—­

“The Government of India, in response to representations, has authorised the issue of a special ration of soft food to edentulous persons in famine camps.  In the interpretation of the term ‘edentulous’ considerable latitude may be permitted, and is indeed desirable, so that it may in practice be applied to many individuals who, according to meticulous physiological standards, should not be so classified.  The determining factor in the application of the term should be the inability of the individual concerned to extract sufficient nutriment from the normal ration, owing to imperfect mastication.  Such persons will invariably exhibit symptoms of mal-nutrition or cacotrophy.

“The Government is confident that the foregoing general ruling will enable junior and inexperienced officers, temporarily employed on famine duty, to classify appropriately and with facility as denticulate or edentulous all individuals afflicted with dental hiatus, mal-conformation and labefaction, without further reference to higher authority.”

As I read the letter with the help of a dictionary, it dawned upon me that the Government of India had won the game beyond all doubt and peradventure.

* * * * *

To Saint Valentine.

  Patron of hearts and darts and smarts
    (Which, I suspect, you stole
  From Cupid, when the Pagan arts—­
  Which only edified in parts—­
    Took on an aureole),

  And patron of the robins, who
    Select your day to mate
  (An act, from any point of view,
  Considering what March can do,
    Rash and precipitate),