* * * * *

WHAT OUR POETS HAVE TO PUT UP WITH.

    “They who faced the terrors of the deep, Who guarded our
    snores-while we were asleep.”

    Scottish Paper.

* * * * *

    “Though his career was entirely that of a public servant, he had
    personality and that self-evident efficiency which mark a man out
    for promotion.”—­Times.

That “though” is rather cynical.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “I SAY, TAXI, I’VE ONLY GOT ENOUGH CHANGE TO PAY THE EXACT FARE.  D’YOU MIND TAKING A CHEQUE FOR THE TIP?”]

* * * * *

RECIPROCITY.

    [Discussing the unruliness of modern children, a correspondent
    in the Press suggests that parents might exchange offspring for
    educational purposes.]

  Hector, one thought alone forbade
    Your stout progenitor to squirm
  Through all the months the Huns essayed
    To pink his epiderm—­
  The thought that you, through what he’d done,
  Might find a better world, my son.

  Now must you do your bit for me,
    For, guided by the sage’s lore,
  I mean to barter progeny
    With Brown, the man next door,
  And educate in place of you
  Bertram, his brazen-lunged Yahoo.

  Too long, too long have I been banned
    From giving what he’s been denied,
  The checkings of a chiding hand,
    Impartially applied,
  But now he’s going to get it, Hec
  (Though not exactly in the neck).

  Exile from your ancestral hut
    At first may fill your soul with pain;
  If so, this filial thought should cut
    Your tears off at the main: 
  The hours he spends across my knee
  Will mean a better world for me.

* * * * *

IT HAPPENED IN IRELAND.

“Mr. ——­ held that purchased meat would be better than that supplied by contractors, who were not saints.  He knew of one case where cattle were actually killed after they died.”—­Irish Times.

“The following has been issued by the Sinn Fein Executive:—­

    “At the weekly meeting of the Executive it was unanimously
    decided to appeal to the subscribers to the Mansion House
    Anti-Subscription Fund.”—­Irish Times.

* * * * *

    “This enabled him [Mr. Bottomley] to provide a sum sufficient to
    yap the other shareholders 12. in the pound.”—­Evening Paper.

We always thought him a bit of a dog.

* * * * *

THE BLANKET ASTRAY.

Now that most of us are on the point of escaping into civil life, the relentless department to whom the W.O. entrusted the stewardship of Army blankets is calling us to strict account as to our dealings with these articles.