***

For the benefit of those about to emigrate we have pleasure in furnishing the exclusive information that very shortly there will be big openings in America for corkscrew-straighteners.

***

We are now able to state that the wedding of Princess Patricia and Commander Ramsay passed off without a hymeneal ode from the poet laureate.

***

We understand that a lady operator who was impudent to the District Supervisor on the telephone the other day would have been severely reprimanded but for her plea that she mistook him for a subscriber.

***

It is reported that the paper shortage is soon to be remedied.  In these days of expensive boots this should be good news to people who travel to and from the City by Tube on foot.

***

We hear privately that one of our leading dailies has fixed April 14th as the date on which its office “correspondent” will first hear the note of the cuckoo in Epping Forest.

***

Several suspicious cases of sickness are reported among the aborigines of New South Wales.  It is not yet known whether they are due to influenza or to the native custom of partaking heavily of snakepie on the eve of Lent.

***

Nottingham will hold its six hundred and fifty-eighth annual Goose Fair this year, and a local paper has made a distinct hit by stating that it is “the oldest gathering of its kind except the House of Commons.”

***

President Ebert, according to the Frankfort Gazette, is to have a Chief Master of Ceremonies.  One of his first duties, in which he will have the advice of prominent musicians, will be to fix an authorised style of eating Sauerkraut which shall be impressive yet devoid of ostentation.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  [Taxi-drivers who consent to pick up fares at a certain London restaurant at night have supper given to them by the management.]

First Taxi.  “Whatever ’Ave yer got them togs on for, Albert?”

Second ditto.  “Always dress for supper down town nowadays, old bean.”]

* * * * *

“A woman’s sphere was her own home, that she should earn her own living was inimical to domestic happiness; it was almost contra bonus morus, which is a very serious thing indeed.”—­Scots Paper.

It certainly would be for Smith mi. if he said it in class.

* * * * *

    “The speaker of the evening was Dr. Charles ——­, a full-blooded
    Sioux Indian, and the only full-blooded literary man among the
    North American Indians.”—­American Paper.

We could spare some of our full-blooded, literary men if there is a shortage in America.