I felt robust and self-confident and ready to do it again.  There, on the top of my “Suspense” basket, lay just the very cheque for the purpose.  Charles, I fell again.  Explaining to myself that Mr. Abrahams had clearly intimated that his gift to the Government was alternatively a note for a hundred francs or a cheque for five pounds, I put a note for a hundred francs into the “Suspense” basket, and pocketed the cheque, thus making another five francs profit.

That, my Lord, is the case for the prosecution; but you may as well have the rest of the story.  Instructions or no instructions, I thought it was now time to send the note for a hundred francs to the Government.  The Government said it had no use for francs in England, sent back the note to me and told me to buy, locally, an English cheque, which I was to hold, pending further instructions.  It took some time to arrive at this point, and meanwhile rate of exchange had had a serious relapse.  The hundred franc note bought a cheque for five guineas.  Not feeling strong enough to pend further instructions, I at once sent this home.  More haste, less speed:  I forgot to endorse it.  After another period the cheque came back, with a memo.  The memo said:  (1) His Majesty’s Government had no love or use for unendorsed cheques drawn in favour of other people. (2) His Majesty’s Government requested me to endorse the cheque, cash it locally and put the proceeds to the credit side of my expenses account. (3) His Majesty’s Government trusted that Mr. Abrahams would not cause this sort of trouble again.

Whether it was the stimulus given by this memo, or whether it was merely a case of giving up the drink and becoming a reformed character, rate of exchange had, I found when I went to carry out orders, risen to and stuck at the dizzy height of twenty-three francs and twenty centimes to the pound.  His Majesty’s Government has drawn in the long run (the very long run) the sum of one hundred and twenty-one francs and eighty centimes, thus making more than twice as heavy a profit as I had.  And yet you have the impudence to tell me that I am guilty of embezzlement, with corruption.

I can only say I should be ashamed to be a lawyer.

I can only add that I should be happy to be His Majesty’s Government.

With all best wishes and enclosing stamps for eighty centimes as representing your share of the proceeds (including fee for opinion),

I remain,

Yours sincerely, HENRY.

* * * * *

PIVOTS.

  “Bermondsey Bill,” who used to be
  The idol of the N.S.C.,
  Began to fight in 17—­
  P.T. instructor, very keen,
  Teaching recruits to jab the faces
  Of dummy Germans at the bases. 
  But Bill, I see, is booked to box
  Tomkins, the Terror of the Docks,
  And nobody should feel surprised
  That Bill has been demobilised.