And what a return was that of yours from Narbo?  He even asked why I had returned so suddenly from my expedition.  I have just briefly explained to you, O conscript fathers, the reason of my return.  I was desirous, if I could, to be of service to the republic even before the first of January.  For, as to your question, how I had returned; in the first place, I returned by daylight, not in the dark; in the second place, I returned in shoes, and in my Roman gown, not in any Gallic slippers, or barbarian mantle.  And even now you keep looking at me; and, as it seems, with great anger.  Surely you would be reconciled to me if you knew how ashamed I am of your worthlessness, which you yourself are not ashamed of.  Of all the profligate conduct of all the world, I never saw, I never heard of any more shameful than yours.  You who fancied yourself a master of the horse, when you were standing for, or I should rather say begging for the consulship for the ensuing year, ran in Gallic slippers and a barbarian mantle about the municipal towns and colonies of Gaul from which we used to demand the consulship when the consulship was stood for and not begged for.

XXXI.  But mark now the trifling character of the fellow.  When about the tenth hour of the day he had arrived at Red Rocks, he skulked into a little petty wine-shop, and, hiding there, kept on drinking till evening.  And from thence getting into a gig and being driven rapidly to the city, he came to his own house with his head veiled.  “Who are you?” says the porter.  “An express from Marcus.”  He is at once taken to the woman for whose sake he had come; and he delivered the letter to her.  And when she had read it with tears, (for it was written in a very amorous style, but the main subject of the letter was that he would have nothing to do with that actress for the future; that he had discarded all his love for her, and transferred it to his correspondent,) when she, I say, wept plentifully, this soft-hearted man could bear it no longer; he uncovered his head and threw himself on her neck.  Oh the worthless man! (for what else can I call him? there is no more suitable expression for me to use,) was it for this that you disturbed the city by nocturnal alarms, and Italy with fears of many days’ duration, in order that you might show yourself unexpectedly, and that a woman might see you before she hoped to do so?  And he had at home a pretence of love; but out of doors a cause more discreditable still, namely, lest Lucius Plancus should sell up his sureties.  But after you had been produced in the assembly by one of the tribunes of the people, and had replied that you had come on your own private business, you made even the people full of jokes against you.  But, however, we have said too much about trifles.  Let us come to more important subjects.