“You wait before you start talkin’ about beauty or hair either!” said Albert.

The curtain then rose upon a long green-baize table placed at the back of the stage.  Behind it were sitting eleven respectable and portly gentlemen in black coats.  One in the centre, venerable for gold eye-glasses and grey side-whiskers, acted as chairman.

“Are those the beauties?” asked Mr. Clarkson ironically, recalling the Garden Suburb discussion as to the superiority of the masculine form.

“’Ear that, Albert?” said the big man again.  “Judges,” he added, in solemn pity.

“On what qualification are they selected as critics?” Mr. Clarkson asked.

“Give prizes,” said the big man.

“That qualifies them for Members of Parliament rather than judges of beauty,” said Mr. Clarkson, but he was shown that on the table before each judge stood a case of plated articles, a vase, a candlestick, or something, which he had contributed as a prize.

An authoritative person in a brown suit and a heavy watch-chain festooned across his waistcoat came forward and was greeted with applause, varied by shouts of “Bluebeard!” “Crippen!” and “Father Mormon!” In the brief gasps of silence he explained the rules of the competition, remarking that the entries were already unusually numerous, the standard of beauty exceptionally high and accordingly he called upon the audience by their applause or the reverse to give the judges every assistance in allotting as desirable a set of prizes as he had ever handled.

“The first prize,” he went on, “is a silver-plated coffee-set, presented by our ardent and lifelong supporter, Mr. Joseph Croke, proprietor of the celebrated grocery store, who now occupies the chair.  The second prize is presented by our eminent butcher, Mr. James Collins, who considers his own stock unsuitable for the occasion, and has therefore substituted a turquoise necklace, equivalent in value to a prime sirloin.  For third prize Mr. Watkins, the conspicuous hairdresser of the High Street, offers a full-sized plait of hair of the same colour as worn by the lady.”

“Thoughtful!” observed the big man approvingly.

“He could hardly give black hair to a yellow-haired woman,” Mr. Clarkson replied.

“I said thoughtful,” the big man repeated; “always thoughtful is Watkins, more especial towards females.”

“Besides these superb rewards,” the showman continued, “the rest of the judges present sixteen consolation prizes, and Mr. Crawley, the eminently respected provision-merchant round the corner, invites all competitors to supper at twelve o’clock to-night, without distinction of personal appearance.”

“Jolly good blow-out!” said Albert’s girl, with satisfaction.

“Rather a gross reward for beauty,” Mr. Clarkson observed.

“And why shouldn’t nice-lookin’ people have a good blow-out, same as you?” inquired the girl, with a flash of indignation.  “They deserves it more, I ’ope!”