The Kaiser.  Very well.  Only you must put in that bit about my being actuated by the highest and most disinterested motives.

The Tsar.  That applies to all of us.

The Sultan.  Umph.

The Tsar.  Again he agrees.  Isn’t it wonderful?  I’ve never met a more accommodating ally.  It’s a real pleasure to work with him.  Now then, we’re all quite sure, aren’t we, that we really want to go on with the War, and that we utterly reject all peace-talk?

The Kaiser.  Utterly—­but if they come and sue to us for peace we might graciously consider their offer.

The Tsar.  That means nothing, of course, so there’s no harm in putting it in.  At any rate it will please the POPE.  We’re quite sure, then, that we want to go on with the War?  Of course I’m heart and soul for going on with it to the last gasp, but I cannot help pointing out that at present Bulgaria has got all she wants, and my people are very fond of peace.

The Sultan.  Umph.

The Tsar.  He knows that is so.  He’s very fond of peace himself.  You see he hasn’t had much luck in the War, have you, MEHMED?

The Sultan.  The English—­

The Tsar.  Quite true; the English are an accursed race.

The Sultan.  The English have a lot of—­

The Kaiser.  A lot of vices?  I should think they have.

The Sultan (persisting).  The English have a lot of men and guns.

The Tsar.  Well done, old friend; you’ve got it off your chest at last.  I hope you’re happy now.  But, as to this peace of ours, can’t something be done?  I always say it’s a great thing to know when to stop.  So it might be as well to talk about peace, even if your talk means nothing.  In any case, I tell you frankly, I want peace.

The Kaiser.  FERDINAND!

The Tsar.  Oh, it’s no use to glare at me like that.  If it comes to glaring I can do a bit in that line myself.

The Sultan.  The Americans—­

The Kaiser \ (together). The Tsar / Oh, curse the Americans!

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Postlethwaite (keenly appreciative of hum of Gotha overhead). “LISTEN, AGATHA!  EXACTLY B FLAT.” {_Strikes note to establish accuracy of his ear._}]

* * * * *

STANZAS ON TEA SHORTAGE.

[Mr. M. GRIEVE, writing from “The Whins,” Chalfont St. Peter, in The Daily Mail of the 12th inst., suggests herb-teas to meet the shortage, as being far the most healthful substitutes.  “They can also,” he says, “be blended and arranged to suit the gastric idiosyncrasies of the individual consumer.  A few of them are agrimony, comfrey, dandelion, camomile, woodruff, marjoram, hyssop, sage, horehound, tansy, thyme, rosemary, stinging-nettle and raspberry.”]