Where laughter is not mirth; nor thought the mind;
   Nor words a language; nor e’en men mankind. 
   Where cries reply to curses, shrieks to blows,
   And each is tortured in his separate hell.

There was in the neighborhood a young colored carpenter; a free born man.  We had been well acquainted in childhood, and frequently met together afterwards.  We became mutually attached, and he proposed to marry me.  I loved him with all the ardor of a young girl’s first love.  But when I reflected that I was a slave, and that the laws gave no sanction to the marriage of such, my heart sank within me.  My lover wanted to buy me; but I knew that Dr. Flint was too willful and arbitrary a man to consent to that arrangement.  From him, I was sure of experiencing all sort of opposition, and I had nothing to hope from my mistress.  She would have been delighted to have got rid of me, but not in that way.  It would have relieved her mind of a burden if she could have seen me sold to some distant state, but if I was married near home I should be just as much in her husband’s power as I had previously been,—­for the husband of a slave has no power to protect her.  Moreover, my mistress, like many others, seemed to think that slaves had no right to any family ties of their own; that they were created merely to wait upon the family of the mistress.  I once heard her abuse a young slave girl, who told her that a colored man wanted to make her his wife.  “I will have you peeled and pickled, my lady,” said she, “if I ever hear you mention that subject again.  Do you suppose that I will have you tending my children with the children of that nigger?” The girl to whom she said this had a mulatto child, of course not acknowledged by its father.  The poor black man who loved her would have been proud to acknowledge his helpless offspring.

Many and anxious were the thoughts I revolved in my mind.  I was at a loss what to do.  Above all things, I was desirous to spare my lover the insults that had cut so deeply into my own soul.  I talked with my grandmother about it, and partly told her my fears.  I did not dare to tell her the worst.  She had long suspected all was not right, and if I confirmed her suspicions I knew a storm would rise that would prove the overthrow of all my hopes.

This love-dream had been my support through many trials; and I could not bear to run the risk of having it suddenly dissipated.  There was a lady in the neighborhood, a particular friend of Dr. Flint’s, who often visited the house.  I had a great respect for her, and she had always manifested a friendly interest in me.  Grandmother thought she would have great influence with the doctor.  I went to this lady, and told her my story.  I told her I was aware that my lover’s being a free-born man would prove a great objection; but he wanted to buy me; and if Dr. Flint would consent to that arrangement, I felt sure he would be willing to pay any reasonable price.  She knew that Mrs. Flint disliked me; therefore, I ventured to suggest that perhaps my mistress would approve of my being sold, as that would rid her of me.  The lady listened with kindly sympathy, and promised to do her utmost to promote my wishes.  She had an interview with the doctor, and I believe she pleaded my cause earnestly; but it was all to no purpose.