extensive Metropolis, I do humbly propose, for the Convenience of such of its Inhabitants as are too distant from Covent-Garden, that another Theatre of Ease may be erected in some spacious Part of the City; and that the Direction thereof may be made a Franchise in Fee to me, and my Heirs for ever.  And that the Town may have no Jealousy of my ever coming to an Union with the Set of Actors now in being, I do further propose to constitute for my Deputy my near Kinsman and Adventurer, Kit Crotchet, [1] whose long Experience and Improvements in those Affairs need no Recommendation.  Twas obvious to every Spectator what a quite different Foot the Stage was upon during his Government; and had he not been bolted out of his Trap-Doors, his Garrison might have held out for ever, he having by long Pains and Perseverance arriv’d at the Art of making his Army fight without Pay or Provisions.  I must confess it, with a melancholy Amazement, I see so wonderful a Genius laid aside, and the late Slaves of the Stage now become its Masters, Dunces that will be sure to suppress all Theatrical Entertainments and Activities that they are not able themselves to shine in!

Every Man that goes to a Play is not obliged to have either Wit or Understanding; and I insist upon it, that all who go there should see something which may improve them in a Way of which they are capable.  In short, Sir, I would have something done as well as said on the Stage.  A Man may have an active Body, though he has not a quick Conception; for the Imitation therefore of such as are, as I may so speak, corporeal Wits or nimble Fellows, I would fain ask any of the present Mismanagers, Why should not Rope-dancers, Vaulters, Tumblers, Ladder-walkers, and Posture-makers appear again on our Stage?  After such a Representation, a Five-bar Gate would be leaped with a better Grace next Time any of the Audience went a Hunting.  Sir, these Things cry loud for Reformation and fall properly under the Province of SPECTATOR General; but how indeed should it be otherwise, while Fellows (that for Twenty Years together were never paid but as their Master was in the Humour) now presume to pay others more than ever they had in their Lives; and in Contempt of the Practice of Persons of Condition, have the Insolence to owe no Tradesman a Farthing at the End of the Week.  Sir, all I propose is the publick Good; for no one can imagine I shall ever get a private Shilling by it:  Therefore I hope you will recommend this Matter in one of your this Weeks Papers, and desire when my House opens you will accept the Liberty of it for the Trouble you have receiv’d from, SIR, Your Humble Servant, Ralph Crotchet.

  P.S.  I have Assurances that the Trunk-maker will declare for us.

  Mr.  SPECTATOR,