I hope that in years to come, when little voices in the firelight (that’s a pretty touch—­who says the Army has made us unfeminine?) beseech me, “Tell us again how you won the War, Great-grandma,” I shall retain sufficient perspective to reply, “Granny didn’t do it all alone, darlings; there were a lot of men who helped too.”

    Yours faithfully,

    ADMINISTRATOR Q.M.A.A.C.

* * * * *

From a description of our infantry’s arrival in Cologne:—­

“Then came more Fusiliers, the Lancashire Fusiliers and the Royal Dublin Fusiliers, and after them battalions from all parts of the British Isles....  It was wonderfully thrilling to go from one bridge to the other, from skirl of pipes to the triumphant swing of ’John Peel,’ and then to the ‘Maple Leaf For Ever.’”

    Times.

And what did the Dublins play?  “Erin on the Rhine”?

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE 1919 MODEL.

MR. PUNCH.  “THEY’VE GIVEN YOU A FINE NEW MACHINE, MR. PREMIER, AND
YOU’VE GOT PLENTY OF SPIRIT; BUT LOOK OUT FOR BUMPS.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Enthusiastic Civilian.—­“WELL, HOW ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF, MATE?” Mons Veteran.—­“MIDDLIN’.” Enthusiastic Civilian.—­“OH, YOU’VE GOT TO GET USED TO IT.  OF COURSE AT FIRST IT SEEMS A BIT BRUTAL.”]

* * * * *

THE WATCH DOGS.

LXXIX.

My dear Charles,—­Old Bowdler has been brooding again on that idea of a brief for the defence in the forthcoming trial of the ex-Kaiser.  He rather fancies himself cross-examining with courtesy but firmness some Generalissimo or other, or reducing to tears by an eloquent speech a court packed with everybody who is anybody, and in both cases having the eyes of Europe upon him and the ears of America hanging on his next word.  After all, barristers will be barristers and, when they are, your ordinary man is no match for ’em.  It took another man of his own kind to knock the conceit out of the idea.

Lack of precedent was no difficulty to Bowdler’s learned opponent.  A ready imagination made up.  To hear him talk you would think he had spent his life assisting at the trials of ex-Kaisers.  He described the whole affair as if it had already taken place.  Thus:—­

The culprit, he assumed, is on bail, though not, of course, on his own recognizances.  First, attention is called to the case by Counsel for the Prosecution rising early in the sitting and asking his Lordship if he might mention the case of WILLIAM HOHENZOLLERN, next on his Lordship’s list.

    “William who?” asks the Clerk of Assize.

    “WILLIAM HOHENZOLLERN,” answers counsel:  “H-O-H-E-N-Z-O-double
    L-E-R-N.”