Little Girl.  “THANK YOU, NURSE—­I’M BEING SERVED.”]

* * * * *

TO A V.A.D.  HALL-PORTERESS.

(WITH APOLOGIES TO R.K.)

  If you can keep your courage and your curls up
    When life a whirling chaos seems to be
  Of amorous swains who want to ring their girls up
    And get them through at once (as you for me);
  If you can calm the weary and the waxy,
    When no appeals, however nicely put,
  Can lure from rank or pub. the ticking taxi,
    And they, poor devils, have to go on foot;

  If you can stem the rush of second-cousins,
    Who crowd to get a glimpse of darling Fred,
  When Father, Mother, Aunts and friends in dozens
    Already form a circle round his bed;
  If, in a word, you run a show amazing,
    With precious little help to see you through it,
  Yours is a temper far above all praising,
    And—­here we reach the point—­I’ve seen you do it.

* * * * *

“Annie ——­ was fined L2 for failing to have the name attached to apples at a stall in ——­ Market.  Mr. ——­ said the public were being wilfully kept in ignorance as to what they were buying.”—­Provincial Paper.

We think the Magistrate was rather pernickety.  Most people know an apple when they see one, but the trouble in these days is to see one at all.

* * * * *

THE RULE OF THE ROAD.

I admire all poilus, and especially did I admire Pierre.  Once only did I find him at fault.  It was one of my functions on a hospital ship plying between ——­ and ——­ to wheel about the more fortunate of the patients.  On the occasion on which I met Pierre he was journeying to his mother in London and was temporarily engaged in the same pursuit.  I beheld him approaching with his charge and immediately ported my helm.  He bore down on his, keeping to his right, and we collided.

“Keep to your left, you fool!” I cried as the crash came.

“Mais non! le droit, M’sieur.”

Here was a deadlock indeed.  It was an English ship, therefore the English rule of the road should be maintained.  On the other hand, the fact that we were still in French waters was in his favour.  But my stubborn British will would not give way, and Heaven knows how long we should have remained there had not one of the invalids grunted, “Caan’t thee keep t’ the rule o’ the waater?” and I saw a dignified way out of the difficulty.  I withdrew to the right, and we passed on with no animosity towards one another.  Still, it was a near thing for the Entente.

* * * * *

    “The unfortunate lady was examining an unloaded pistol when it
    went off and caused instantaneous death.”—­Times of Ceylon.

In the circumstances we trust we are justified in thinking this tragic intelligence to be the result of a false report.