***

We are asked to deny the rumour that the Kaiser has offered to compete for The Daily Mail trans-Atlantic flight and has offered to forgo the prize.

***

Scientists are agreed, says Tit-Bits, that there is nothing to prevent people living for five hundred or even one thousand years.  We feel, however, that in the case of certain very objectionable persons exemption might be given at the age of about forty years.

***

“Blwyddyn Newydd Dda i bawb Ohonynt” was the reported greeting sent by Mr. Lloyd George to his election agent.  Other delegates to the Peace Conference are talking in the same truculent strain.

***

One of the men for whom our heart goes out in sympathy is a South Carolina farmer who has been in the habit of doctoring himself with the help of a medical book.  When only fifty-five years of age he died of a misprint.

***

A prisoner charged at London Sessions with stealing was described as “one of a most daring and clever gang of thieves.”  It is said that he has asked counsel for permission to use this excellent testimonial on his note-headings.

***

An Irish farmer aged one hundred-and-four years, who took a prominent part in the General Election, has just died.  This should be a lesson to people who meddle with politics.

***

“The current open secret in Society,” says The Star, “is the engagement of Lady Diana Manners, but when it will be announced only she herself will decide.”  This is extraordinary.  A few weeks ago the decision would have rested with the newspapers.

***

There were 523 fewer books published last year than in the year before.  This, we understand, is explained by the fact that Mr. Charles GARVICE and Mr. E. Phillips Oppenheim each went to the theatre one night in the early autumn.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “I wish my husband had joined them pivots instead of the FOOSILEERS.  He’d ‘A’ been demobilised by now.”]

* * * * *

Regulus up-to-date.

    “Traveller.—­Wanted a pushing young man, to work through England
    and Scotland in barrel hoops.”—­Daily Telegraph.

* * * * *

    “To these manifestations the President raised his hat, his smiling
    face indicating the measure of his pleasure at the leave-taking
    with the British public.”—­Daily Paper.

One of the things that might perhaps have been expressed differently.

* * * * *

Redistribution.

  The Bolshevist plan to conciliate Labour
  Is based on the maxim of Beggar your Neighbour,
  With the glorious result, when they share out the loot,
  That ev’ry one’s sure of possessing one boot.