The Best American Humorous Short Stories eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 365 pages of information about The Best American Humorous Short Stories.

The Best American Humorous Short Stories eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 365 pages of information about The Best American Humorous Short Stories.

As Elder Brown paid his small score he was at peace with the world.  I firmly believe that when he had finished his trading, and the little blue-stringed packages had been stored away, could the poor donkey have made his appearance at the door, and gazed with his meek, fawnlike eyes into his master’s, he would have obtained full and free forgiveness.

Elder Brown paused at the door as he was about to leave.  A rosy-cheeked school-girl was just lifting a creamy mixture to her lips before the fountain.  It was a pretty picture, and he turned back, resolved to indulge in one more glass of the delightful beverage before beginning his long ride homeward.

“Fix it up again, sonny,” he said, renewing his broad, confiding smile, as the spruce young man poised a glass inquiringly.  The living automaton went through the same motions as before, and again Elder Brown quaffed the fatal mixture.

What a singular power is habit!  Up to this time Elder Brown had been entirely innocent of transgression, but with the old alcoholic fire in his veins, twenty years dropped from his shoulders, and a feeling came over him familiar to every man who has been “in his cups.”  As a matter of fact, the elder would have been a confirmed drunkard twenty years before had his wife been less strong-minded.  She took the reins into her own hands when she found that his business and strong drink did not mix well, worked him into the church, sustained his resolutions by making it difficult and dangerous for him to get to his toddy.  She became the business head of the family, and he the spiritual.  Only at rare intervals did he ever “backslide” during the twenty years of the new era, and Mrs. Brown herself used to say that the “sugar in his’n turned to gall before the backslide ended.”  People who knew her never doubted it.

But Elder Brown’s sin during the remainder of the day contained an element of responsibility.  As he moved majestically down toward where Balaam slept in the sunlight, he felt no fatigue.  There was a glow upon his cheek-bones, and a faint tinge upon his prominent nose.  He nodded familiarly to people as he met them, and saw not the look of amusement which succeeded astonishment upon the various faces.  When he reached the neighborhood of Balaam it suddenly occurred to him that he might have forgotten some one of his numerous commissions, and he paused to think.  Then a brilliant idea rose in his mind.  He would forestall blame and disarm anger with kindness—­he would purchase Hannah a bonnet.

What woman’s heart ever failed to soften at sight of a new bonnet?

As I have stated, the elder was a man of action.  He entered a store near at hand.

“Good-morning,” said an affable gentleman with a Hebrew countenance, approaching.

“Good-mornin’, good-mornin’,” said the elder, piling his bundles on the counter.  “I hope you are well?” Elder Brown extended his hand fervidly.

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Project Gutenberg
The Best American Humorous Short Stories from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.