Fifth. Any person found with a ‘Dog’ in his possession should be compelled to give a strict account of himself; the ‘Dog’ should be Collared, sent to the Pound, closely interrogated, and his evidence carefully Weighed.  In cases of ‘Barking up the Wrong Tree’ the person unjustly arrested should be indemnified.

Sixth. The City Government should immediately offer an immense reward for the invention of a telescope of sufficient power to detect crime whenever and wherever committed within the city limits.  This instrument should be placed on the summit of the dome of the New County Court House, and a competent scientific person appointed to be continually on the look-out, and his observations noted down by a Stenographer.

Seventh. There should be frequent balloon ascensions in various parts of the city, under the direction of distinguished aeronauts, for the purpose of watching the behavior of evil disposed persons.  In order that these aerial movements may excite no suspicion in the minds of persons under surveillance, the balloons should ascend high enough to be out of sight.  They will then be out of mind.

Eighth. A Sub-Committee should be chosen, the members of which shall hang about the various haunts of vice in back slums, and learn as much as possible of the nefarious projects of the desperate characters who frequent such dens.  Each member should report daily, and if he is not familiar with the ‘flash’ dialect in which thieves converse (which is very improbable, if chosen as suggested), should take care to provide himself with a copy of GROSE’S Slang Dictionary or Vocabulary of Gross Language, which will the better enable him to understand it.

Ninth. A strict blockade of the port should be maintained, to prevent the ingress of bad characters from abroad, and especially from the now Radical State of New Jersey, with which ferry-boat communication should be immediately cut off.

Tenth. A Reformatory School in which the Dangerous Classes might (except during recitations) be kept under restraint would be a great public benefit.  The study of metaphysics should be prohibited at such an institution.  Burglars especially should not be allowed to Open Locke on the Human Understanding.

* * * * *

The Worst Kind of “Paris Green.”

It is stated by observant flaneurs that much absinthe is consumed by ladies who frequent fashionable up-town restaurants.  One lovely blonde has grown so absinthe-minded from the habit, that she regularly leaves the restaurant without paying for her luncheon.

* * * * *

Quarrelsome in their Cups.

Should the European Powers get into a fight over the Sublime Porte, what a strong argument it would be in favor of temperance!

* * * * *

[Illustration:  ABOUT A FOOT.