a piece of property. Whatever had happened—well,
had happened. He had not come back this time
with the vanity of that question, his former worrying
“What,
what?” now practically so
spent. Yet he would none the less never again
so cut himself off from the spot; he would come back
to it every month, for if he did nothing else by its
aid he at least held up his head. It thus grew
for him, in the oddest way, a positive resource; he
carried out his idea of periodical returns, which
took their place at last among the most inveterate
of his habits. What it all amounted to, oddly
enough, was that in his finally so simplified world
this garden of death gave him the few square feet
of earth on which he could still most live. It
was as if, being nothing anywhere else for any one,
nothing even for himself, he were just everything
here, and if not for a crowd of witnesses or indeed
for any witness but John Marcher, then by clear right
of the register that he could scan like an open page.
The open page was the tomb of his friend, and there
were the facts of the past, there the truth of his
life, there the backward reaches in which he could
lose himself. He did this from time to time
with such effect that he seemed to wander through
the old years with his hand in the arm of a companion
who was, in the most extraordinary manner, his other,
his younger self; and to wander, which was more extraordinary
yet, round and round a third presence—not
wandering she, but stationary, still, whose eyes, turning
with his revolution, never ceased to follow him, and
whose seat was his point, so to speak, of orientation.
Thus in short he settled to live—feeding
all on the sense that he once
had lived, and
dependent on it not alone for a support but for an
identity.
It sufficed him in its way for months and the year
elapsed; it would doubtless even have carried him
further but for an accident, superficially slight,
which moved him, quite in another direction, with a
force beyond any of his impressions of Egypt or of
India. It was a thing of the merest chance—the
turn, as he afterwards felt, of a hair, though he
was indeed to live to believe that if light hadn’t
come to him in this particular fashion it would still
have come in another. He was to live to believe
this, I say, though he was not to live, I may not less
definitely mention, to do much else. We allow
him at any rate the benefit of the conviction, struggling
up for him at the end, that, whatever might have happened
or not happened, he would have come round of himself
to the light. The incident of an autumn day had
put the match to the train laid from of old by his
misery. With the light before him he knew that
even of late his ache had only been smothered.
It was strangely drugged, but it throbbed; at the
touch it began to bleed. And the touch, in the
event, was the face of a fellow-mortal. This
face, one grey afternoon when the leaves were thick
in the alleys, looked into Marcher’s own, at