of it,” to Marcher’s vision; her work
was over; she communicated with him as across some
gulf or from some island of rest that she had already
reached, and it made him feel strangely abandoned.
Was it—or rather wasn’t it—that
if for so long she had been watching with him the answer
to their question must have swum into her ken and
taken on its name, so that her occupation was verily
gone? He had as much as charged her with this
in saying to her, many months before, that she even
then knew something she was keeping from him.
It was a point he had never since ventured to press,
vaguely fearing as he did that it might become a difference,
perhaps a disagreement, between them. He had
in this later time turned nervous, which was what
he in all the other years had never been; and the
oddity was that his nervousness should have waited
till he had begun to doubt, should have held off so
long as he was sure. There was something, it
seemed to him, that the wrong word would bring down
on his head, something that would so at least ease
off his tension. But he wanted not to speak
the wrong word; that would make everything ugly.
He wanted the knowledge he lacked to drop on him,
if drop it could, by its own august weight.
If she was to forsake him it was surely for her to
take leave. This was why he didn’t directly
ask her again what she knew; but it was also why,
approaching the matter from another side, he said to
her in the course of his visit: “What do
you regard as the very worst that at this time of
day
can happen to me?”
He had asked her that in the past often enough; they
had, with the odd irregular rhythm of their intensities
and avoidances, exchanged ideas about it and then
had seen the ideas washed away by cool intervals,
washed like figures traced in sea-sand. It had
ever been the mark of their talk that the oldest allusions
in it required but a little dismissal and reaction
to come out again, sounding for the hour as new.
She could thus at present meet his enquiry quite freshly
and patiently. “Oh yes, I’ve repeatedly
thought, only it always seemed to me of old that I
couldn’t quite make up my mind. I thought
of dreadful things, between which it was difficult
to choose; and so must you have done.”
“Rather! I feel now as if I had scarce
done anything else. I appear to myself to have
spent my life in thinking of nothing but dreadful things.
A great many of them I’ve at different times
named to you, but there were others I couldn’t
name.”
“They were too, too dreadful?”
“Too, too dreadful—some of them.”
She looked at him a minute, and there came to him
as he met it, an inconsequent sense that her eyes,
when one got their full clearness, were still as beautiful
as they had been in youth, only beautiful with a strange
cold light—a light that somehow was a part
of the effect, if it wasn’t rather a part of
the cause, of the pale hard sweetness of the season
and the hour. “And yet,” she said
at last, “there are horrors we’ve mentioned.”