Gentles of both sexes and all sortes, I am sent to bid yee welcome; I am but instead of a Prologue, for a she-prologue[219] is as rare as an Usurers Almes, non reperitur in usu; and the rather I come woman because men are apt to take kindelye any kinde thing at a womans hand; and wee poore foules are but too kinde if wee be kindely intreated, marry otherwise, there I make my Aposiopesis.  The Author hath indeede made me an honest merrye wench one of his humorists, yet I am so much beholding to him, I cannot get mee a husband in his play that’s worthe the having, unlesse I be better halfe of the sutor my selfe; and having imposed this audacity on me, he sends me hither first for exercise.  I come among ye all, these are the Contentes:  that you would heare with patience, judge with lenity, and correct with smiles; for the which our endeavour[220] shall shew it selfe, like a tall fellow in action; if we shall joyne hands, a bargaine.

    As a lowely earnest, I give this curtesie before,
    And in conceite I give ye twenty more.

[ACT THE FIRST.

Scene 1.]

    Enter Accutus and Graccus.

Gra.  Nay but, Accutus, prethee what mis-shapen vizard of Melancholly hast thou mask’t thy selfe in?  Thou lookst as thou wer’t changing thy religion; what? is there a breach in thy Faith? come declare, and let me set thy [my?] wits on worke to amend it.

Acut.  Ha, ha, ha!

Gra.  Prettie; a man’s well advisd to offer good counsell, and be laught at for his labour:  we shall shortly have no counsellors, but Physitians; I spend my breath to thee, and thou answerest me some half an houre after in a sem[i]breve, or like to a Sexton, with a Sobeit or Amen.

Acu.  Condemn my Stars then!

Grac.  I should wrong am then, as thou dost with a false inditment.  I know it took not beeing at thy birth:  thou hast been merrie, thou hast sounded hoopes, swallowed whiffes, walkt late, worn favours, seene whoresons; thou canst feele and understand, come thou hast bene a sinner, unloade, discharge, untune, confesse, is Venus dominatrix? art not in love?

Acut.  Yes, I love God and my neighbors.

Grac.  Then either for God’s sake or thy Neighbors, or both, be smothe, and participate; ist not some underlayer, some she Cammell, that will beare as much of her belly as three beastes on their backes? some Lanthorne-maker?  Ile holde thy head; come, up with’t!

Acut.  Prethee, I hate none, but heaven hate me if I be in love with any.

Grac.  Off with these clogs; then break prison and get out of this melancholly Gaole.  Harke how the generall noise doth welcome from the Parthian wars; each spirit’s jocund, fraught with glee, then wrong not thine with this dull meditation.

Accut.  Oh! how doe they then wrong my meditation! my thoughts are with themselues at a counsell; til with noise, and thou with continuall talke, hast driven them to a nonplus.