come along I up and ’as a grab at it.  D’ye think she’d ’it me?  I never ’ad such a shock in me life, not since I went backwards when the coal-cart tipped!  Lor, lumme! if she didn’t catch ‘old of me round the neck an’ kiss me!  ‘Oh, you darlin’!’ she said, ‘did you want me rose then, ducky?’ I’m a brown ’orse, but I tell you I blushed chestnut that morning.  ’Course the roan pony next door started giggling, and then she ’ad to go and kiss ’im, and that settled ’is little game.

“Well, then she come along with the collar.  I need ’ardly tell you ’ow often she tried to fix it on the wrong way round.  There I ’ad to stand with ’er shoving the blooming thing till I thought my ’ead would ’ave dropped orf.  Being a female, it took ’er some time before she thought of putting the big end of the collar up first, but when she did I just took and put me ‘ead thro’ and nipped orf ’er rose.  ’If that don’t fetch you,’ I sez, ‘nothink will.’  If that woman ’ad clouted me on the ’ead then, I’d ’ave loved ’er; ‘stead o’ which she calls out to ’er pal ’oo was mucking round cleaning out the stalls with a broom-’andle, ‘May!’ she sez.  ‘Oh, do look!’ she sez, ’this ’ere dear ‘orse,’ she sez, ‘’as bin and ate my rose!’

“Well, when we done all the kissing and that, she led me out of the stall, and I promise you I was a sight!  My bridle was over one eye and my girths ’anging loose.  Maybe that was my own fault; when she started to pull in the straps ’course I blew meself out, same as any ’orse would, just to give ’er something to pull on.  ‘Oh dear!’ says the female.  ’Poor ’orse, this ‘ere girth’s too tight!’ Any’ow, when we did get to the ’ayfield she ’ad to fetch a man to put me into the rake.  Well, ’e told her ’ow to go on, and we moves orf.  That wasn’t ’arf a journey!  Wot with ‘er pulling one way an’ pulling another, I got fair mazed.  Arter a bit I stopped. ‘’Ave it your own way then,’ I sez.  Next minute I ’eard ’er calling out like a train whistle to the bailiff, ’oo was passing.  ‘Smith!’ she sez, ’this pore ‘orse is tired!’ And Smith sez, ‘Tired!’ ’e sez; ‘’e’s lazy!’ And with that ’e fetched me one.  ‘All right, my girl,’ I thinks; ‘you wait a bit.’

“This ’ere field run past a railway, and when Smith ’ad gone I seen one of the signals on the line go down.  ‘That’s the ticket!’ I sez, and when the train come by I up and shook me ’ead.  The woman didn’t say nothing, so I gives a ’op with all me feet at once.  Still she don’t say nothing, and I couldn’t feel ’er on the reins, so I done a few side steps.  And then she spoke, and this is wot she sez:  ‘Oh!’ she sez, ‘please don’t!’ and started crying.

“There’s no vice about me, and when she begun ’er game I stopped mine.  You’d ’ardly believe it, but that ’ere woman got down orf that ’ere rake and she come round to my ’ead and, ‘Pore darling,’ she sez, ’was you frightened of the train then?’ Me! wot’s ’ad me life in the London docks till I come ’aying ’long of the War.