A.P.H.

* * * * *

ANOTHER IMPENDING APOLOGY.

“Many coolies of the savage tribes from the hilly places, who have been enlisted for the labour corps, were seen passing this town by train lately.  Some had too few clothes.  Our late Chief Secretary, the Hon’ble Mr. ——­, was seen among them.”—­Times of Assam.

* * * * *

“All can sympathise with Mr. ——­ and his teetotal party in deploring the excesses of ‘liquor’ of any description, and the vice, want and misery it brings in its course.  But we cannot for a single moment listen to their selfish and pitiful beatings, when we know that if their methods were carried out through the land it would people our beloved country with a virile race of effete degenerates.”—­Provincial Paper.

“Virile” is good, and should encourage the teetotalers to proceed with their “beatings.”

* * * * *

GERMAN CAVALRY IN (AND OUT OF) ACTION.

    “‘Polybe,’ writing in the Figaro, estimates the German losses at
    20,000 horse de combat on the first day of the battle.”—­Local
    Paper.

* * * * *

    “Following the Franco-German war an epidemic of smallpox raged
    throughout Europe, which was not checked until Jenner’s famous
    vaccination discovery.”—­Liverpool Echo.

It is sad to think that JENNER’s discovery, made in 1796, should have remained dormant till after 1870.

* * * * *

    “Mr. Gerard’s reminiscences have caused much perturbation in
    German Court circles.”—­Daily Paper.

  Little scraps of paper,
    Little drops of ink
  Make the KAISER caper
    And the Nations think.

* * * * *

“A money prize offered to boys at Barcombe, Suxxes, for killing cabbage butterflies resulted in over 4,000 insects being destroyed.  The winner, Victor King, accounted for 1,395.”—­Liverpool Echo.

We congratulate him on his Suxxes.

* * * * *

    “One new thing he [Mr. HENDERSON] disclosed was that in his
    pervious statement that carried the Conference to the Stockholm
    vote, &c.”—­Daily Mail.

As “pervious,” according to WEBSTER, means “capable of being seen through,” we think the printer is to be congratulated.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  BREAKING IT UP.]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Member of Committee (interviewing candidate for training for farm work).  “AND ARE YOU FOND OF ANIMALS—­HORSES AND COWS?”

Candidate.  “WELL, NO—­NOT VERY.”

Member of Committee.  “BUT I’M AFRAID THAT’S RATHER NECESSARY.”