“Oh, no such matter,” says he.  “My master does not mind about her heresies, but her diamond cross.  She’s thousands of English pounds concealed in her diamonds, which she as good as promised to give to my master before they married; but now she won’t part with any of them, and must take the consequences.”

One morning, his honour says to me, “Thady, buy me a pig,” and that was the first breaking out of my lady’s troubles when the sausages were ordered.  My lady went down to the kitchen herself, and desired never more to see them on her table.  The cook took her part, but the master made it a principle to have the sausages; so, for fear of her place, she gave in, and from that day forward, always sausages or pig-meat in one form or other went up to table; upon which my lady shut herself up in her own room, and my master turned the key in the door, and kept it ever after in his pocket.  We none of us saw her, or heard her speak for seven years after; he carried her dinner in himself.

Then his honour had a deal of company, and was as gay and gallant as before he was married.  The country, to be sure, talked and wondered, but nobody cared to ask impertinent questions, my master being a famous shot.  His character was so well known that he lived in peace and quiet ever after, and was a great favourite with the ladies; so that, when he gave out that my lady was now skin and bone, and could not live through the winter, there were no less than three ladies at daggers drawn, as his gentleman swore, at the balls, for Sir Kit for their partner.  I could not but think them bewitched, but it was not known how my lady’s fortune was settled, nor how the estate was all mortgaged, and bonds out against him, for he was never cured of his gaming tricks; but that was the only fault he had, God bless him!

Then it was given out, by mistake, that my lady was dead, and the three ladies showed their brothers Sir Kit’s letters, and claimed his promises.  His honour said he was willing to meet any man who questioned his conduct, and the ladies must settle among themselves who was to be his second, while his first was alive, to his mortification and theirs.  He met the first lady’s brother, and shot him; next day called out the second, whose wooden leg stuck fast in the ploughed land, so Sir Kit, with great candour, fired over his head, whereupon they shook hands cordially, and went home together to dinner.

To establish his sister’s reputation this gentleman went out as Sir Kit’s second next day, when he met the last of his adversaries.  He had just hit the toothpick out of his enemy’s hand, when he received a ball in a vital part, and was brought home speechless in a hand-barrow.  We got the key out of his pocket at once, and my son Jason ran to release her ladyship.  She would not believe but that it was some new trick till she saw the men bringing Sir Kit up the avenue.  There was no life in him, and he was “waked” the same night.