Woman:  But I must get in.  I’ll come to the vestry door, if there is a vestry door at St. Bede’s.

Priest:  It’s impossible.  You’ve no idea of the crush.  And I’ve no favourites.

Woman:  Oh yes, you have!  You have me.

Priest:  In my church, fashionable women must take their chance with the rest.

Woman:  How horrid you are.

Priest:  Perhaps.  I may tell you, Miss Cohenson, that I’ve seen two duchesses standing at the back of the aisle of St. Bede’s, and glad to be.

Woman:  But I shan’t flatter you by standing at the back of your aisle, and you needn’t think it.  Haven’t I given you a box before now?

Priest:  I only accepted the box as a matter of duty; it is part of my duty to go everywhere.

Man:  Come with me, Miss Cohenson.  I’ve got two tickets for the Record.

Woman:  Oh, so you do send seats to the press?

Priest:  The press is different.  Waiter, bring me half a bottle of Heidsieck.

Waiter:  Half a bottle of Heidsieck?  Yes, sir.

Woman:  Heidsieck.  Well, I like that. We’re dieting.

Priest:  I don’t like Heidsieck.  But I’m dieting too.  It’s my doctor’s orders.  Every night before retiring.  It appears that my system needs it.  Maria Lady Rowndell insists on giving me a hundred a year to pay for it.  It is her own beautiful way of helping the good cause.  Ice, please, waiter.  I’ve just been seeing her to-night.  She’s staying here for the season.  Saves her a lot of trouble.  She’s very much cut up about the death of Priam Farll, poor thing!  So artistic, you know!  The late Lord Rowndell had what is supposed to be the finest lot of Farlls in England.

Man:  Did you ever meet Priam Farll, Father Luke?

Priest:  Never.  I understand he was most eccentric.  I hate eccentricity.  I once wrote to him to ask him if he would paint a Holy Family for St. Bede’s.

Man:  And what did he reply?

Priest:  He didn’t reply.  Considering that he wasn’t even an R.A., I don’t think that it was quite nice of him.  However, Maria Lady Rowndell insists that he must be buried in Westminster Abbey.  She asked me what I could do.

Woman:  Buried in Westminster Abbey!  I’d no idea he was so big as all that!  Gracious!

Priest:  I have the greatest confidence in Maria Lady Rowndell’s taste, and certainly I bear no grudge.  I may be able to arrange something.  My uncle the Dean——­

Man:  Pardon me.  I always understood that since you left the Church——­

Priest:  Since I joined the Church, you mean.  There is but one.

Man:  Church of England, I meant.

Priest:  Ah!

Man:  Since you left the Church of England, there had been a breach between the Dean and yourself.