Clever as I think myself, I fear I should find
myself sorely at fault in the society of to-day.
All things are changed: opinions, manners,
creeds, morals even. Acts that were crimes
in my day are now venial errors—opinions
that were scandalous are now the mark of “advanced
thought.” I should be too formal for
this easy-going age, should be ridiculed as old-fashioned
and narrow-minded, should put you to the blush
a dozen times a day by my prejudices and opinions.
’It is very good of you to think of travelling so long a distance to see me; and I should love to look at your sweet face, and hear you describe your new experiences; but I could not allow you to travel with only the protection of a maid; and there are many reasons why I think it better to defer the meeting till the end of the season, when Lady Kirkbank will bring my treasure back to me, eager to tell me the history of all the hearts she has broken.’
The dowager’s letter to Lady Kirkbank was brief and business-like. She could only hope that her old friend Georgie, whose acuteness she knew of old, would divine her feelings and her wishes, without being explicitly told what they were.
’My dear Georgie,
’I am too ill to leave this house; indeed I doubt if I shall ever leave it till I am taken away in my coffin; but please say nothing to alarm Lesbia. Indeed, there is no ground for fear, as I am not dangerously ill, and may drag out an imprisonment of long years before the coffin comes to fetch me. There are reasons, which you will understand, why Lesbia should not come here till after the season; so please keep her in Arlington Street, and occupy her mind as much as you can with the preparations for her first campaign. I give you carte blanche. If Carson is still in business I should like her to make my girl’s gowns; but you must please yourself in this matter, as it is quite possible that Carson is a little behind the times.
’I must ask you to present my darling, and to deal with her exactly as if she were a daughter of your own. I think you know all my views and hopes about her; and I feel that I can trust to your friendship in this my day of need. The dream of my life has been to launch her myself, and direct her every step in the mazes of town life; but that dream is over. I have kept age and infirmity at a distance, have even forgotten that the years were going by; and now I find myself an old woman all at once, and my golden dream has vanished.’
Lady Kirkbank’s reply came by return of post, and happily this gushing epistle had not to be submitted to Mary’s eye.
’My dearest Di,