“My mistress’s privy parts are cleaner, Tigillinus, than your mouth.”

[Sidenote:—­14—­] The troubles of his relatives Nero turned into laughter and jest.  For instance, after killing Plautus [Footnote:  Rubellirs Plautus.] he took a look at his head when it was brought to him and remarked:  “I didn’t know he had such a big nose,” as much as to say that he would have spared him, had he been aware of this fact beforehand.  And though he spent practically his whole existence in tavern life, he forbade others to sell in taverns anything boiled save vegetables and pea-soup.  He put Pallas out of the way because the latter had accumulated great wealth that could be counted by the ten thousand myriads.  Likewise he was very liable to peevishness that showed in his behavior, and at such times he would not speak a word to his servants or freedmen but write on tablets whatever he wanted as well as any orders that he had to give them.

[Sidenote:  A.D. 63 (a.u. 816)] [Sidenote:—­15—­] Indeed, when many of those who had gathered at Antium perished, Nero made that, too, an occasion for a festival.

A certain Thrasea gave his opinion to the effect that for a senator the extreme penalty should be exile.

[Sidenote:  A.D. 64 (a.u. 817)] To such lengths did Nero’s self-indulgence go that he actually drove chariots in public.  Again, one time after the slaughter of beasts he straightway brought water into the theatre by means of pipes and produced a sea-fight:  then he let the water out again and arranged a gladiatorial combat.  Last of all he flooded the place once more and gave a costly public banquet.  The person who had been appointed director of the banquet was Tigillinus, and a large and complete equipment had been furnished.  The arrangements made were as follows.  In the center and resting on the water were placed the great wooden wine vessels, over which boards had been fastened.  Round about it had been built taverns and booths.  Thus Nero and Tigillinus and their fellow-banqueters, being in the center, held their feast on purple carpets and soft mattresses, while all the other people caroused in the taverns.  These also entered the brothels, where unrestrictedly they might enjoy absolutely any woman to be found there.  Now the latter were some of the most beautiful and distinguished in the city, both slaves and free, some hetaerae, some virgins, some wives,—­not merely, that is to say, public wenches, but both girls and women of the very noblest families.  Every man was given authority to have whichever one he wished, for the women were not allowed to refuse any one.  Consequently, the multitude being a regular rabble, they drank greedily and reveled in wanton conduct.  So a slave debauched his mistress in the presence of his master and a gladiator ravished a girl of noble family while her father looked on.  The shoving and striking and uproar that went on, first on the part of those who were going in and second on the part of those who stood around outside, was disgraceful.  Many men met their death in these encounters, and of the women some were strangled and some were seized and carried off.