Say what they could, he was a proper man.  And as Heloise writ to her sweetheart Peter Abelard, Si me Augustus orbis imperator uxorem expeteret, mallem tua esse meretrix quam orbis imperatrix; she had rather be his vassal, his quean, than the world’s empress or queen.—­non si me Jupiter ipse forte velit,—­she would not change her love for Jupiter himself.

To thy thinking she is a most loathsome creature; and as when a country fellow discommended once that exquisite picture of Helen, made by Zeuxis, [5406]for he saw no such beauty in it; Nichomachus a lovesick spectator replied, Sume tibi meos oculos et deam existimabis, take mine eyes, and thou wilt think she is a goddess, dote on her forthwith, count all her vices virtues; her imperfections infirmities, absolute and perfect:  if she be flat-nosed, she is lovely; if hook-nosed, kingly; if dwarfish and little, pretty; if tall, proper and man-like, our brave British Boadicea; if crooked, wise; if monstrous, comely; her defects are no defects at all, she hath no deformities. Immo nec ipsum amicae stercus foetet, though she be nasty, fulsome, as Sostratus’ bitch, or Parmeno’s sow; thou hadst as live have a snake in thy bosom, a toad in thy dish, and callest her witch, devil, hag, with all the filthy names thou canst invent; he admires her on the other side, she is his idol, lady, mistress, [5407]venerilla, queen, the quintessence of beauty, an angel, a star, a goddess.

       “Thou art my Vesta, thou my goddess art,
        Thy hallowed temple only is my heart.”

The fragrancy of a thousand courtesans is in her face:  [5408]_Nec pulchrae effigies, haec Cypridis aut Stratonices_; ‘tis not Venus’ picture that, nor the Spanish infanta’s, as you suppose (good sir), no princess, or king’s daughter:  no, no, but his divine mistress, forsooth, his dainty Dulcinia, his dear Antiphila, to whose service he is wholly consecrate, whom he alone adores.

[5409] “Cui comparatus indecens erit pavo,
        Inamabilis sciurus, et frequens Phoenix.”

       “To whom conferr’d a peacock’s indecent,
        A squirrel’s harsh, a phoenix too frequent.”

All the graces, veneries, elegancies, pleasures, attend her.  He prefers her before a myriad of court ladies.

[5410] “He that commends Phillis or Neraea,
        Or Amaryllis, or Galatea,
        Tityrus or Melibea, by your leave,
        Let him be mute, his love the praises have.”

Nay, before all the gods and goddesses themselves.  So [5411]Quintus Catullus admired his squint-eyed friend Roscius.

       “Pace mihi liceat (Coelestes) dicere vestra,
        Mortalis visus pulchrior esse Deo.”

       “By your leave gentle Gods, this I’ll say true,
        There’s none of you that have so fair a hue.”

All the bombast epithets, pathetical adjuncts, incomparably fair, curiously neat, divine, sweet, dainty, delicious, &c., pretty diminutives, corculum, suaviolum, &c. pleasant names may be invented, bird, mouse, lamb, puss, pigeon, pigsney, kid, honey, love, dove, chicken, &c. he puts on her.