Thou repeatedly pleadest her sufferings from her family.  But I have too often answered this plea, to need to say any more now, than that she has not suffered for my sake.  For has she not been made the victim of the malice of her rapacious brother and envious sister, who only waited for an occasion to ruin her with her other relations; and took this as the first to drive her out of the house; and, as it happened, into my arms?—­ Thou knowest how much against her inclination.

As for her own sins, how many has the dear creature to answer for to love and to me!—­Twenty times, and twenty times twenty, has she not told me, that she refused not the odious Solmes in favour to me?  And as often has she not offered to renounce me for the single life, if the implacables would have received her on that condition?—­Of what repetitions does thy weak pity make me guilty?

To look a litter farther back:  Canst thou forget what my sufferings were from this haughty beauty in the whole time of my attendance upon her proud motions, in the purlieus of Harlowe-place, and at the little White Hart, at Neale, as we called it?—­Did I not threaten vengeance upon her then (and had I not reason?) for disappointing me of a promised interview?

O Jack! what a night had I in the bleak coppice adjoining to her father’s paddock!  My linen and wig frozen; my limbs absolutely numbed; my fingers only sensible of so much warmth as enabled me to hold a pen; and that obtained by rubbing the skin off, and by beating with my hands my shivering sides!  Kneeling on the hoar moss on one knee, writing on the other, if the stiff scrawl could be called writing!  My feet, by the time I had done, seeming to have taken root, and actually unable to support me for some minutes!—­Love and rage then kept my heart in motion, [and only love and rage could do it,] or how much more than I did suffer must I have suffered!

I told thee, at my melancholy return, what were the contents of the letter I wrote.* And I showed thee afterwards her tyrannical answer to it.** Thou, then, Jack, lovedst thy friend; and pitiedst thy poor suffering Lovelace.  Even the affronted God of Love approved then of my threatened vengeance against the fair promiser; though of the night of my sufferings, he is become an advocate for her.

* See Vol.  II.  Letter XX. ** Ibid.

Nay, was it not he himself that brought to me my adorable Nemesis; and both together put me upon this very vow, ’That I would never rest till I had drawn in this goddess-daughter of the Harlowes to cohabit with me; and that in the face of all their proud family?’

Nor canst thou forget this vow.  At this instant I have thee before me, as then thou sorrowfully lookedst.  Thy strong features glowing with compassion for me; thy lips twisted; thy forehead furrowed; thy whole face drawn out from the stupid round into the ghastly oval; every muscle contributing its power to complete the aspect grievous; and not one word couldst thou utter, but Amen! to my vow.