nurse of the period.  The name Pecksniff has become synonymous
     with a certain type of hypocrite, and the adjective
     Pecksniffian is in common use wherever the English language is
     spoken.  Charged with exaggeration regarding Mr. Pecksniff,
     Dickens wrote in the preface to “Martin Chuzzlewit,” “All the
     Pecksniff family upon earth are quite agreed, I believe, that
     no such character ever existed.  I will not offer any plea on
     his behalf to so powerful and genteel a body.”  Mrs. Gamp,
     though one of the humorous types that have, perhaps,
     contributed most largely to the fame of Dickens, does not
     appear in this epitome, the character being a minor one in the
     development of the story.

I.—­Mr. Pecksniff’s New Pupil

Mr. Pecksniff lived in a little Wiltshire village within an easy journey of Salisbury.

The brazen plate upon his door bore the inscription, “Pecksniff, Architect,” to which Mr. Pecksniff, on his cards of business, added, “and Land Surveyor.”  Of his architectural doings nothing was clearly known, except that he had never designed or built anything.

Mr. Pecksniff’s professional engagements, indeed, were almost, if not entirely, confined to the reception of pupils.  His genius lay in ensnaring parents and guardians and pocketing premiums.

Mr. Pecksniff was a moral man.  Perhaps there never was a more moral man than Mr. Pecksniff, especially in his conversation and correspondence.  Some people likened him to a direction-post, which is always telling the way to a place, and never goes there; but these were his enemies.

Into Mr. Pecksniff’s house came young Martin Chuzzlewit, a relation of the architect’s.  Tom Pinch, Mr. Pecksniff’s assistant, had driven over to Salisbury for the new pupil, and had already discoursed to Martin on Mr. Pecksniff and his family (for Mr. Pecksniff had two daughters—­Mercy, and Charity), in whose good qualities he had a profound and pathetic belief.

Festive preparations on a rather extensive scale were already completed for Martin’s benefit on the night of his arrival.  There were two bottles of currant wine, white and red; a dish of sandwiches, very long, and very slim; another of apples; another of captain’s biscuits; a plate of oranges cut up small and gritty with powdered sugar; and a highly geological home-made cake.  The magnitude of these preparations quite took away Tom Pinch’s breath, for though the new pupils were usually let down softly, particularly in the wine department, still this was a banquet, a sort of lord mayor’s feast in private life, a something to think of, and hold on by afterwards.

To this entertainment Mr. Pecksniff besought the company to do full justice.

“Martin,” he said, addressing his daughters, “will seat himself between you two, my dears, and Mr. Pinch will come by me.  This is a mingling that repays one for much disappointment and vexation.  Let us be merry.”  Here he took a captain’s biscuit.  “It is a poor heart that never rejoices; and our hearts are not poor.  No!”