OLIMPIADA SAMSONOVNA.  But you don’t know how to dance, Lazar Elizarych.

PODKHALYUZIN.  What of it—­won’t I learn, though, and the raggiest ever!  In the winter we’re going to attend the Merchants’ Assemblies.  You just watch us, ma’am!  I’m going to dance the polka.

OLIMPIADA SAMSONOVNA.  Now, Lazar Elizarych, you buy that carriage we saw at
Arbatsky’s.

PODKHALYUZIN.  Of course, Olimpiada Samsonovna, ma’am!  Of course, by all means!

OLIMPIADA SAMSONOVNA.  They’ve brought me a new cloak; you and I ought to go
Friday to Sokolniki.

PODKHALYUZIN.  Of course, most certainly we’ll go, ma’am; and we’ll drive in the park on Sundays.  You see our carriage is worth a thousand rubles, and the horses a thousand, and the harness mounted with silver—­just let ’em look!  Tishka!  My pipe. [TISHKA goes out.  PODKHALYUZIN sits down beside OLIMPIADA SAMSONOVNA] Just so, ma’am, Olimpiada Samsonovna; you just let ’em watch us.

[Silence.]

OLIMPIADA SAMSONOVNA.  Well, why don’t you kiss me, Lazar Elizarych?

PODKHALYUZIN.  Why, sure!  Permit me, ma’am!  With great pleasure!  If you please, your little hand, ma’am! [He kisses it.  Silence] Olimpiada Samsonovna, say something to me in the French dialect, ma’am!

OLIMPIADA SAMSONOVNA.  What shall I say to you?

PODKHALYUZIN.  Oh, say anything—­any little thing, ma’am.  It’s all the same to me, ma’am!

OLIMPIADA SAMSONOVNA. Kom voo zet zholi!

PODKHALYUZIN.  What does that mean, ma’am?

OLIMPIADA SAMSONOVNA.  How nice you are!

PODKHALYUZIN. [Jumping up from his chair] Aha! now here’s a wife for you, ma’am!  Hooray, Olimpiada Samsonovna!  You’ve treated me fine!  Your little hand, please!

Enter TISHKA with the pipe.

TISHKA.  Ustinya Naumovna has come.

PODKHALYUZIN.  What the devil is she here for!

TISHKA goes out.

SCENE II

The same and USTINYA NAUMOVNA

USTINYA NAUMOVNA.  How are you managing to live, my jewels?

PODKHALYUZIN.  Thanks to your prayers, Ustinya Naumovna, thanks to your prayers.

USTINYA NAUMOVNA. [Kissing OLIMPIADA SAMSONOVNA] Why, I believe you’ve grown better looking, and have filled out a bit!

OLIMPIADA SAMSONOVNA.  Bah, what nonsense you’re chattering, Ustinya
Naumovna!  Now, what struck you to come here?

USTINYA NAUMOVNA.  What nonsense, my jewel!  Here’s what’s up.  Whether you like it or not, you can’t help it.—­If you like to slide down-hill you’ve got to pull up your sled.—­Now, why have you forgotten me completely, my jewels?  Or haven’t you had a chance yet to look about you?  I suppose you’re all the time billing and cooing.

PODKHALYUZIN.  We have that failing, Ustinya Naumovna; we have it.