USTINYA NAUMOVNA.  Just hear how sweetly he tells that, the jewel!

BOLSHOV.  And since now our daughter is here in person, and in view of the fact that we are convinced of the honorable conduct and the sufficient means of our future son-in-law, which for us is a matter of extreme concern, in consideration of God’s blessing, we hereby designate him in the presence of these witnesses.  Lipa, come here.

LIPOCHKA.  What do you want, daddy?

BOLSHOV.  Come here to me.  I shan’t eat you, never fear.  Well, now, Lazar, toddle up!

PODKHALYUZIN.  Been ready a long time, sir!

BOLSHOV.  Now, Lipa, give me your hand.

LIPOCHKA.  How!  What nonsense is this?  Where did you get this rubbish?

BOLSHOV.  Look out that I don’t have to force you!

USTINYA NAUMOVNA.  Now you’re catching it, young lady!

AGRAFENA KONDRATYEVNA.  Lord!  What on earth is this?

LIPOCHKA.  I don’t want to!  I don’t want to!  I won’t marry anything so disgusting!

FOMINISHNA.  The power of the cross be with us!

PODKHALYUZIN.  Evidently, daddy, it’s not for me to see happiness in this world!  Evidently, sir, it can’t be as you would wish!

BOLSHOV. [Seizes LIPOCHKA violently by the arm; takes LAZAR’S hand] Why can’t it, if I want it to be?  What am I your father for, if not to command you?  Have I fed her for nothing?

AGRAFENA KONDRATYEVNA.  What’re you doing!  What’re you doing!  Recollect yourself!

BOLSHOV.  Stay on your own side of the fence!  This is none of your business!  Well, Lipa!  Here’s your future husband!  I ask you to love and cherish him!  Sit down side by side and talk nice; and then we’ll have a fine dinner and set about the wedding.

LIPOCHKA.  What!  Do you think I want to sit down with that booby!  What nonsense!

BOLSHOV.  If you won’t sit down, I’ll sit you down, and put an end to your monkey-business!

LIPOCHKA.  Who ever heard of educated young ladies being married off to their employees!

BOLSHOV.  Better shut up!  If I say so, you’ll marry the porter. [Silence.

USTINYA NAUMOVNA.  Say, now, Agrafena Kondratyevna, if that isn’t a pity!

AGRAFENA KONDRATYEVNA.  I myself, the mother, am as much in the dark as a clothes-closet.  And I can’t understand what in the world has caused this!

FOMINISHNA.  Lord!  I’m past sixty, and how many weddings I’ve seen; but I’ve never seen anything so shameful as this.

AGRAFENA KONDRATYEVNA.  What do you mean, you murderers; do you want to dishonor the girl?

BOLSHOV.  Yes, much I have to listen to your high-falutin’ talk.  I’ve decided to marry my daughter to a clerk, and I’ll have my way, and don’t you dare argue; I don’t give a hang for anybody.  Come now, we’ll go take a snack; but just let them kid each other, and maybe they’ll make it up somehow or other.