The remarkable style
      Of old THOMAS CARLYLE
  Found many a lover and hater;
      And precious young men
      Who made play with the pen
  Were devoted disciples of PATER.

      But these idols we’ve burned
      And have latterly learned
  That “distinction"’s an utter delusion;
      For if you would aim
      At a popular fame
  You must cultivate “vim” or effusion.

      JOSEPH CONRAD (a Pole)
      Some place on the whole
  At the top of the tree for his diction;
      But his style, I opine,
      Is a little too fine
  For the average reader of fiction.

      If you can’t be a WELLS,
      Or aspire to Miss DELL’S
  Impassioned and fervid variety,
      You still may attain
      To CHARLES GARVICE’S strain
  And leaven Romance with propriety.

      For democracy shies
      At the artist who tries
  To express himself subtly or darkly;
      And the man in the street
      In a fair plebiscite
  Would probably crown Mrs. BARCLAY.

* * * * *

Extract from a sermon:—­

    “We meet here to-day under circumstances which are not
    ordinary ...  We seem to hear ’the sound of a gong in
    the tops of the mulberry trees.’”—­The Record.

This must be some air-raid warning by the rural police.

* * * * *

“On the roads near by ‘a Verdun’ signposts have been replaced by new ones reading ‘A Glorieux Verdun.’  The name of France herself might well be altered to ‘Glorieux France.’”—­Canadian Paper.

Vive le France!

* * * * *

From a report of the British Cotton-growing Association:—­

    “The negotiations with the Government for the development
    of the irritation scheme for the Gezira plain are still
    under consideration.”—­The Field.

We trust we shall hear no more of this vexatious project.

* * * * *

  A lodging-house keeper at Whitby
  Saw a couple of Zeppelins flit by;
    Though she felt a sharp sting,
    It’s a curious thing
  That she never knew which she was hit by.

* * * * *

“War conditions have given occasion in Germany for the study of an oedema disease (swelling) unknown in peace times.  Among the civil population it has been generally located in the feet and legs, and in more than one-half of the cases studied some degree of facial swelling was present.”—­Daily Paper.

This last symptom is especially noticeable in the case of the KAISER.

* * * * *

“Prior to the meeting [of the Irish Convention] in Cork the members of the secretariat attended in Sir Horace Plunkett’s private room, and presented him with a solid ivory chairman’s mantle.”—­Dublin Evening Mail.

But we are glad to state that the proceedings were quite orderly, and that the Chairman did not need this protective garment.