***

Henry ELIONSKY, of New York, has succeeded in swimming seven miles with his legs tied to a chair and with heavy boots and clothing.  It is not known why he did it, but we gather that Charlie Chaplin is now wondering whether he was wise, after all, in becoming a naturalised American.

***

The wave of crime still sweeps the country.  On top of the L30,000 jewel robbery comes the news that a man has been charged with breaking into a London tobacconist’s shop and stealing a box of matches value 1/2d. (price 11/2d.).

***

A letter has just reached a City office addressed to the tenants who occupied the premises twenty years ago.  Fortunately such cases of loitering on the part of our postmen are extremely rare.

***

An infuriated bull has been killed in High Street, Tonbridge, after wrecking several shop windows.  It is thought that the animal had misread the directions on its sugar card.

***

A number of people have complained that they could hear nothing of the recent air-raids over London, owing to the noise of the firing being drowned by the admonitory activities of the police.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  The bulldog Breed.

Company Commander (making sure of his men before the show).  “Now, when we go over the top to-Morrow, you all know what you’re to make for?”

Chorus of Tommies.  “YUSS, sir.”

C.C. “What is it, then?”

Chorus.  “They Germans, sir.”]

* * * * *

Our CENTRIPETISTS.

    “Mrs. Eckstein and Miss Eckstein have returned to London
    from Scotland, and they are leaving London immediately for
    London.”—­Brighton Standard and Fashionable Visitors’ List.

* * * * *

“The Irish farmers are confident that the Food Controller’s declared intention to fix the price of cattle at 6s. per cwt. for next January will not be carried into effect.  They believe that Lord Rhondda must realise the necessity of making a substantial increase on this figure.”—­Saturday Herald (Dublin).

Lord Rhondda, we understand, has already met the Irish farmers more than halfway by fixing the price at 60s.

       * * * * *
    “The Apia Blacksmiths, Ltd., will undertake contracts for the
    building of houses, with or without material.”—­Samoa Times.

  “And gives to airy nothing
  A local habitation.”—­Shakspeare.

* * * * *

Taking our pleasures sadly.