OF THE VAINGLORIOUS.

All his humour rises up into the froth of ostentation, which if it once settle falls down into a narrow room.  If the excess be in the understanding part, all his wit is in print; the press hath left his head empty, yea, not only what he had, but what he could borrow without leave.  If his glory be in his devotion, he gives not an alms but on record; and if he have once done well, God hears of it often, for upon every unkindness he is ready to upbraid Him with merits.  Over and above his own discharge, he hath some satisfactions to spare for the common treasure.  He can fulfil the law with ease, and earn God with superfluity.  If he hath bestowed but a little sum in the glazing, paving, parieting of God’s house, you shall find it in the church window.  Or if a more gallant humour possess him, he wears all his land on his back, and walking high, looks over his left shoulder, to see if the point of his rapier follow him with a grace.  He is proud of another man’s horse, and well mounted, thinks every man wrongs him that looks not at him.  A bare head in the street doth him more good than a meal’s meat.  He swears big at an ordinary, and talks of the court with a sharp accent; neither vouchsafes to name any not honourable, nor those without some term of familiarity, and likes well to see the hearer look upon him amazedly, as if he said, How happy is this man that is so great with great ones!  Under pretence of seeking for a scroll of news, he draws out an handful of letters endorsed with his own style to the height, and half reading every title, passes over the latter part with a murmur, not without signifying what lord sent this, what great lady the other, and for what suits; the last paper (as it happens) is his news from his honourable friend in the French court.  In the midst of dinner, his lackey comes sweating in with a sealed note from his creditor, who now threatens a speedy arrest, and whispers the ill news in his master’s ear, when he aloud names a counsellor of state, and professes to know the employment.  The same messenger he calls with an imperious nod, and after expostulation, where he hath left his fellows, in his ear, sends him for some new spur-leathers or stockings by this time footed; and when he is gone half the room, recalls him, and sayeth aloud, It is no matter, let the greater bag alone till I come.  And yet again calling him closer, whispers (so that all the table may hear), that if his crimson suit be ready against the day, the rest need no haste.  He picks his teeth when his stomach is empty, and calls for pheasants at a common inn.  You shall find him prizing the richest jewels and fairest horses, when his purse yields not money enough for earnest.  He thrusts himself into the press before some great ladies, and loves to be seen near the head of a great train.  His talk is how many mourners he furnished with gowns at his father’s funeral, how many messes, how