a sack, the bigger he looks.  He crowds to the Bar like a pig through a hedge, and his gown is fortified with flankers about the shoulders to guard his ears from being galled with elbows.  He draws his bills more extravagant and unconscionable than a tailor; for if you cut off two-thirds in the beginning, middle, or end, that which is left will be more reasonable and nearer to sense than the whole, and yet he is paid for all; for when he draws up a business, like a captain that makes false musters, he produces as many loose and idle words as he can possibly come by until he has received for them, and then turns them off and retains only those that are to the purpose.  This he calls drawing of breviates.  All that appears of his studies is, in short, time converted into waste-paper, tailor’s measures, and heads for children’s drums.  He appears very violent against the other side, and rails to please his client as they do children, “Give me a blow and I’ll strike him, ah, naughty!” &c.  This makes him seem very zealous for the good of his client, and though the cause go against him he loses no credit by it, especially if he fall foul on the counsel of the other side, which goes for no more among them than it does with those virtuous persons that quarrel and fight in the streets to pick the pockets of those that look on.  He hangs men’s estates and fortunes on the slightest curiosities and feeblest niceties imaginable, and undoes them like the story of breaking a horse’s back with a feather or sinking a ship with a single drop of water, as if right and wrong were only notional and had no relation at all to practice (which always requires more solid foundations), or reason and truth did wholly consist in the right spelling of letters, whenas the subtler things are the nearer they are to nothing, so the subtler words and notions are the nearer they are to nonsense.  He overruns Latin and French with greater barbarism than the Goths did Italy and France, and makes as mad a confusion of language by mixing both with English.  Nor does he use English much better, for he clogs it so with words that the sense becomes as thick as puddle, and is utterly lost to those that have not the trick of skipping over where it is impertinent.  He has but one termination for all Latin words, and that’s a dash.  He is very just to the first syllables of words, but always bobtails the last, in which the sense most of all consists, like a cheat that does a man all right at the first that he may put a trick upon him in the end.  He is an apprentice to the law without a master, is his own pupil, and has no tutor but himself, that is a fool.  He will screw and wrest law as unmercifully as a tumbler does his body to lick up money with his tongue.  He is a Swiss that professes mercenary arms, will fight for him that gives him best pay, and, like an Italian bravo, will fall foul on any man’s reputation that he receives a retaining fee against.  If he could but maintain his opinions