AN ELDER BROTHER

Is a creature born to the best advantage of things without him; that hath the start at the beginning, but loiters it away before the ending.  He looks like his land, as heavily and dirtily, as stubbornly.  He dares do anything but fight, and fears nothing but his father’s life, and minority.  The first thing he makes known is his estate, and the loadstone that draws him is the upper end of the table.  He wooeth by a particular, and his strongest argument is all about the jointure.  His observation is all about the fashion, and he commends partlets for a rare device.  He speaks no language, but smells of dogs or hawks, and his ambition flies justice-height.  He loves to be commended; and he will go into the kitchen but he’ll have it.  He loves glory, but is so lazy as he is content with flattery.  He speaks most of the precedency of age, and protests fortune the greatest virtue.  He summoneth the old servants, and tells what strange acts he will do when he reigns.  He verily believes housekeepers the best commonwealths-men, and therefore studies baking, brewing, greasing, and such, as the limbs of goodness.  He judgeth it no small sign of wisdom to talk much; his tongue therefore goes continually his errand, but never speeds.  If his understanding were not honester than his will, no man should keep good conceit by him, for he thinks it no theft to sell all he can to opinion.  His pedigree and his father’s seal-ring are the stilts of his crazed disposition.  He had rather keep company with the dregs of men than not to be the best man.  His insinuation is the inviting of men to his house; and he thinks it a great modesty to comprehend his cheer under a piece of mutton and a rabbit.  If he by this time be not known, he will go home again, for he can no more abide to have himself concealed than his land.  Yet he is (as you see) good for nothing, except to make a stallion to maintain the race.

A BRAGGADOCIO WELSHMAN

Is the oyster that the pearl is in, for a man may be picked out of him.  He hath the abilities of the mind in potentia, and actu nothing but boldness.  His clothes are in fashion before his body, and he accounts boldness the chiefest virtue.  Above all men he loves an herald, and speaks pedigrees naturally.  He accounts none well descended that call him not cousin, and prefers Owen Glendower before any of the Nine Worthies.  The first note of his familiarity is the confession of his valour, and so he prevents quarrels.  He voucheth Welsh a pure and unconquered language, and courts ladies with the story of their chronicle.  To conclude, he is precious in his own conceit, and upon St. David’s Day without comparison.

A PEDANT.

He treads in a rule, and one hand scans verses, and the other holds his sceptre.  He dares not think a thought that the nominative case governs not the verb; and he never had meaning in his life, for he travelled only for words.  His ambition is criticism, and his example Tully.  He values phrases, and elects them by the sound, and the eight parts of speech are his servants.  To be brief, he is a Heteroclite, for he wants the plural number, having only the single quality of words.