AN ORDINARY HONEST MAN

Is one whom it concerns to be called honest, for if he were not this, he were nothing:  and yet he is not this neither, but a good dull vicious fellow, that complies well with the debauchments of the time, and is fit for it.  One that has no good part in him to offend his company, or make him to be suspected a proud fellow; but is sociably a dunce, and sociably a drinker.  That does it fair and above-board without legermain, and neither sharks for a cup or a reckoning:  that is kind over his beer, and protests he loves you, and begins to you again, and loves you again.  One that quarrels with no man, but for not pledging him, but takes all absurdities and commits as many, and is no tell-tale next morning, though he remember it.  One that will fight for his friend if he hear him abused, and his friend commonly is he that is most likely, and he lifts up many a jug in his defence.  He rails against none but censurers, against whom he thinks he rails lawfully, and censurers are all those that are better than himself.  These good properties qualify him for honesty enough, and raise him high in the ale-house commendation, who, if he had any other good quality, would be named by that.  But now for refuge he is an honest man, and hereafter a sot:  only those that commend him think him not so, and those that commend him are honest fellows.

A SUSPICIOUS OR JEALOUS MAN

Is one that watches himself a mischief, and keeps a lear eye still, for fear it should escape him.  A man that sees a great deal more in every thing than is to be seen, and yet he thinks he sees nothing:  his own eye stands in his light.  He is a fellow commonly guilty of some weaknesses, which he might conceal if he were careless:—­now his over-diligence to hide them makes men pry the more.  Howsoever he imagines you have found him, and it shall go hard but you must abuse him whether you will or no.  Not a word can be spoke but nips him somewhere; not a jest thrown out but he will make it hit him.  You shall have him go fretting out of company, with some twenty quarrels to every man, stung and galled, and no man knows less the occasion than they that have given it.  To laugh before him is a dangerous matter, for it cannot be at any thing but at him, and to whisper in his company plain conspiracy.  He bids you speak out, and he will answer you, when you thought not of him.  He expostulates with you in passion, why you should abuse him, and explains to your ignorance wherein, and gives you very good reason at last to laugh at him hereafter.  He is one still accusing others when they are not guilty, and defending himself when he is not accused:  and no man is undone more with apologies, wherein he is so elaborately excessive, that none will believe him; and he is never thought worse of, than when he has given satisfaction.  Such men can never have friends, because they cannot trust so far; and this humour hath this infection with it, it makes all men to them suspicious.  In conclusion, they are men always in offence and vexation with themselves and their neighbours, wronging others in thinking they would wrong them, and themselves most of all in thinking they deserve it.