Darius’ palace in one banquet demolished.  He is a pitiless murderer of innocents, and he mangles poor fowls with unheard-of tortures; and it is thought the martyrs’ persecutions were devised from hence:  sure we are, St. Lawrence’s gridiron came out of his kitchen.  His best faculty is at the dresser, where he seems to have great skill in the tactics, ranging his dishes in order military, and placing with great discretion in the fore-front meats more strong and hardy, and the more cold and cowardly in the rear; as quaking tarts and quivering custards, and such milk-sop dishes, which scape many times the fury of the encounter.  But now the second course is gone up and he down in the cellar, where he drinks and sleeps till four o’clock[67] in the afternoon, and then returns again to his regiment.

A BOLD FORWARD MAN

Is a lusty fellow in a crowd, that is beholden more to his elbow than his legs, for he does not go, but thrusts well.  He is a good shuffler in the world, wherein he is so oft putting forth, that at length he puts on.  He can do some things, but dare do much more, and is like a desperate soldier, who will assault any thing where he is sure not to enter.  He is not so well opinioned of himself, as industrious to make others, and thinks no vice so prejudicial as blushing.  He is still citing for himself, that a candle should not be hid under a bushel; and for his part he will be sure not to hide his, though his candle be but a snuff or rush-candle.  Those few good parts he has, he is no niggard in displaying, and is like some needy flaunting goldsmith, nothing in the inner room, but all on the cupboard.  If he be a scholar, he has commonly stepped into the pulpit before a degree, yet into that too before he deserved it.  He never defers St. Mary’s beyond his regency, and his next sermon is at Paul’s cross,[68] [and that printed.] He loves publick things alive; and for any solemn entertainment he will find a mouth, find a speech who will.  He is greedy of great acquaintance and many, and thinks it no small advancement to rise to be known. [He is one that has all the great names at court at his fingers’ ends, and their lodgings; and with a saucy, “my lord,” will salute the best of them.] His talk at the table is like Benjamin’s mess, five times to his part, and no argument shuts him out for a quarreller.  Of all disgraces he endures not to be nonplussed, and had rather fly for sanctuary to nonsense which few descry, than to nothing, which all.  His boldness is beholden to other men’s modesty, which rescues him many times from a baffle; yet his face is good armour, and he is dashed out of anything sooner than countenance.  Grosser conceits are puzzled in him for a rare man; and wiser men, though they know him, [yet] take him [in] for their pleasure, or as they would do a sculler for being next at hand.  Thus preferment at last stumbles on him, because he is still in the way.  His companions that flouted him before, now envy him, when they see him come ready for scarlet, whilst themselves lie musty in their old clothes and colleges.